Is a relationship worth more to you than doing music and making it?

dmajor100

dmajor100

Active member
Im sure to get alot of responses on this and sure alot of fellas have been threw or are going threw what i am right now. Im from a small town were music is not a source of money unless your doing tejano and spanish. For the past 2 1/2 years i was with a girl as a fwb at first and then feel in love and last june i told her i made a choice to go to houston to proceed audio school which is only for one year. Things in the beginning were very rough cause in order for me to see her i had to drive 300 miles for a 1 1/2 day visit and then back again. Now just 3 months till i graduate with one big contact and just being in a more demanding city for music i am torn on if i should return to continue my relationship with this girl i love would admited today see is tiered of waiting or just be single and focus on being a producer/engineer and hope my hard work pays off and the same time lose the girl i love. Ive been going threw anxiety today just because of this and got no one to give me advice except the people who may read this and might relate to the situation. SO its kinda like choose the red pill or blue pill thing like in the matrix only i cant fly and dodge bullets

---------- Post added at 10:21 PM ---------- Previous post was at 10:18 PM ----------

sure most musicians have had plenty of groupies and would just say ditch the chic but i need a person thats been in this kinda thing
 
she has 2 kids and the rest of her family living there and even living with her i was on my keyboard more than being with her but when ever we brake up it kills me and id give up the music just to be with her. But then again theres always that voice thats saying do music cause it was your first love and dream
 
I would honestly say pursue the music simply because you are sure to meet and grow through that process were as with a female it only ends a few ways.....Heartbreak, Marriage, or Child Support bro....honestly I pray that God can guide you because I too am from Texas and trust me if I had the opportunity to go to Houston and further my love for the art of music I definitely would.... you just need to reason.... (if family can't hold me back, why some woman that isn't even blood related)....plus WOULD SHE HONESTLY DO THE SAME FOR YOU...think with your head and not your head lol
 
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i been with her for 3 years and she stuck by my side and now more than ever im focusing on music and its got me thinking im never gonna find anyone else. Im always hearing that its a gift and a curse from big time people and thats why they never stay married or in a relationship.
 
I understand......follow your heart bro but be very wise....perhaps time away is needed in order for the both of you to kick start your personal lives and goals....plus if you don't do something for yourself now then later own if any regrets come up I promise you that you can become bitter....if she cannot understand your dreams then how do you expect to ever be yourself or get to even know yourself it's a problem alot of us men face at an early age with these young women but trust me that if the relationship turns sour you will regret a whole lot.....so live for you and your immediate family today and be patient because there are many more women with far better understanding beyond who you may currently be with......look at it like a scholarship to go to some prestigious college, would you truly risk a far better future, perhaps for both you and her because of current circumstances ?
 
in my opinion if she doesnt understand what you are trying to do then shes not for you if you really love music...

but you said you would give up music to be with her....so do you really love music?

Maybe youre in music for the wrong reasons?

Its up to you and what you want to do. You need to make decisions for you....and only you. YOURE the one who has to live with the choices you make. So only think about whats good for you when you choose
 
dmajor100 said:
i been with her for 3 years and she stuck by my side and now more than ever im focusing on music and its got me thinking im never gonna find anyone else. Im always hearing that its a gift and a curse from big time people and thats why they never stay married or in a relationship.
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Any successful person at the beginning of their careers is more likely to be working hard and not being seen at home.

What I suggest is that you decide what you need for you to be whole.

I have been with my wife for 21 years. I have always been able to spend as much time as I need to do what inspires me and excites me, as has she. We have 4 kids who are all teenagers now (19-17-16-13). I could not do what I do without my wife, friend and partner - I do not do the musical things I want to but not because of her or the kids, rather because of the tyranny of distance that is Australia - if you do not live in a capital city, your options are limited. I moved back to Sydney after being away from it for more than 25 years, but I'm taking it slowly to get things happening again.
 
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Just realised I only answered the first part of the statement

dmajor100 said:
Im always hearing that its a gift and a curse from big time people and thats why they never stay married or in a relationship.
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I would suggest that none of these big time people are really in the relationship game for love - it's a business proposition pure and simple - they are involved with whoever because it's good marketing for both and the sex is an added bonus. Also, most initial relationships last about 18 months and then break apart - mainly because both parties are either unable to move beyond romantic love or because they are scared by what they know about the person they are with.

Don't ever let business directions rule your heart (or other body parts) as you will regret it every day for the rest of your life. Better to be alone and happy than to be with someone (no matter how hot or rich or famous they may be) and be miserable; better still to be with someone you care for deeply and be happy, than be alone and miserable.

From where I sit in Australia, you being with this lady for over 3 years says that it has moved beyond romantic love (18 months) to a deeper abiding love, a love borne of friendship and mutual caring and concern.

Follow your heart and your brain on this one, as you seem to have accepted her for the long haul; it may be the hardest decision of your life but it will also be the best one of your life if you think about it rather than just acting - involve her in the decision too, so that she knows that she is important to your future one way or the other she may have the solution for you that you haven't even thought about yet.
 
This is getting real emotional up in here!

Here's my 2, if you are to fully dedicate yourself to your relationship then you will have to sacrifice certain aspects of you life. For example when I was single, I used to have plenty of interests, Martial Arts, Music, Fitness, Dj'ing, Art & Graphic Design, Reading, Computer games, Clubbing and the list goes on.... Then I met my girlfriend, had 2 kids and guess what? The only thing from the aforementioned that I still do is the music and a not nearly enough reading. I'm quite an introspective person and I am very self contained. I think you have to be if you are into making music as it's not uncommon to spend hours upon hours by yourself wrapped up in your own creativity. My girlfriends does not understand this and to be honest I have not met many women that do. She has now accepted this and she understands that I would not quit music for anything. Including her! If it's going to work with you and your girlfriend she will need to accept that music is a huge part of who you are and she will need to adapt accordingly. This might be a bit of a generalisation but I feel many women are jealous of the love that there partner has for there ambitions and dreams. But honestly dude, you being away furthering your education is not a permanent arrangement. However, if you do have any success in this line of work then you will be away from time to time. She will have to decide whether or not being with someone with that lifestyle is right for her.

I think the key to success in everything is finding balance, both you and her will need to understand that and both will have to sacrifice parts of your life in order for your relationship to succeed. Hopefully for you music will not be one of them.

***Also, if your struggling to handle music and a girlfriend, DONT HAVE KIDS!
 
Ill be honest, either way you look at it you have the possibility of regret.

If you go home to her, u can regret not following ur opportunities. If u stay in h-town, u can regret losing the love of your life.

I feel that u should always choose what's best for YOU. That can have different meanings obviously. I think a career is what's est for u. It gives u the most flexibility. And if u become successful u can lure her to houston. U can't lure house to her.

However, if u believe u only find one love of ur life... then the anwer may be her. It depends on what u believe
 
I've read all the (different sounding) replies. What you have to understand is, as "bandcoach" basically hinted at "love is about completing each other, not about making sacrifices".

And you guys already started out with making sacrifices; you have to deal with her 2 kids, you have to deal with the distance, you have to deal with it being basically a weekend-relationship.

This is/can be a very bad basis for a long lasting love, because to be honest, you guys don't know what it's like to be together 24/7 AND you are a weekend daddy to someone else's kids; it doesn't matter NOW, but it will matter at some point, be it due to arguments or due to the fact, that the kids will grow up and start to question your authority ("you are not their father/you are not my father").

"Love is color-blind", they say and sometimes love is about seeing everything in either black or white. So either everything is bad, or everything is good. That's never the case.

You know, it's funny, but the more attention you give a woman, the less the values your time, the more you value your time, the less attention you get.
Basically, if you spend too much time living a life "for her", the more she wants you to go away. The more your work/study/care about your needs, the more she will call you an egoist.
You can never win.

Also, keep in mind that pursuing a career in music means spending MORE AND MORE time doing your job. 14-16 hour days are sometimes the norm, I don't work during the holidays.........but sometimes I have to. Can it work? Sure. My aunt was an accountant before she married my uncle and he's a steward on these cargo vessels and for the last 20 years or so has been away from home for months. They make it work somehow and have no problems in their marriage. Then again, there are people who have a weekend-relationship and once they move together, they discover a completely different person, all of a sudden.

I was with this girl who I had to fly over weekends to. Sure, I can afford it, but that's not the point. I did it, because she grew up in her city, always lived there, all her friends and family lives there. Didn't want to be the egoistic type, who forces her to leave it all behind, just to be with me. She simply didn't want to leave her city and live with me here. Guess what? After I broke up with her, because I didn't feel like she was ready to make the sacrifices I was ready to make and she got together with some other dude, all of a sudden, living with her fam and friends wasn't that important anymore.

See, because I was ready to change MY life, she wasn't to. Because someone else wasn't ready to change his life, she now is ready to do it. That's pure egoism. You want something so much, that you are ready to forget WHAT ELSE YOU WANT or WHAT'S REALLY IMPORTANT TO YOU.

Thing is - it's HARD to find someone who COMPLETES you, most of the time, you will only find someone who makes you feel good, as long as you are making sacrifices left and right to make it work. Which is not a good basis for a happy life.

Also thing about what bandcoach said; he and his wife have four kids.
You would be responsible for TWO already and I guess you want to have kids with her as well; it will be hard to BOTH, spend this amount of time pursuing your dreams AND make enough money to live a good life yourself, LET ALONE feed you, your wife, her two kids AND the ones that might follow later. Think about this logically.

And no matter what - this is YOUR life.

This is my realistic outlook on things and I don't know of an easy algorithm, how to decide these things, so I won't tell you what to do; just think about what you would tell a friend, if he told you about being in a similar situation and not being sure, which path to take.
 
Well i happen to have cheated on her and she still took me back amd now she is dating another dude but i was ready to change for this girl. i really dont think i wanna work like a slave and sacrifice my love life cause in the end its just a job i like doing. Her kids were not even in the pic at the time and see puts this on me too of bot making a effort to bond with them, i.admit i didnt tho. The music kind did get in the way tho and i wasnt even workinv on projects i was merly slef teaching piano and making beats. Theres gotta be a way so now i gotta win her back from some new dude shes seeing and still envole my music and be a daddy as much as i can. This is some chic stuff but for real this music does have its bad things that people dnt see.
 
dmajor100 said:
Well i happen to have cheated on her and she still took me back amd now she is dating another dude but i was ready to change for this girl. i really dont think i wanna work like a slave and sacrifice my love life cause in the end its just a job i like doing. Her kids were not even in the pic at the time and see puts this on me too of bot making a effort to bond with them, i.admit i didnt tho. The music kind did get in the way tho and i wasnt even workinv on projects i was merly slef teaching piano and making beats. Theres gotta be a way so now i gotta win her back from some new dude shes seeing and still envole my music and be a daddy as much as i can. This is some chic stuff but for real this music does have its bad things that people dnt see.
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To be honest, until this post I thought the circumstances were less than promising in this whole constellation.
After reading this, I gotta say, this sounds more like a recipe for disaster, than a challenge to overcome.
 
dmajor100 said:
Well i happen to have cheated on her and she still took me back amd now she is dating another dude but i was ready to change for this girl. i really dont think i wanna work like a slave and sacrifice my love life cause in the end its just a job i like doing. Her kids were not even in the pic at the time and see puts this on me too of bot making a effort to bond with them, i.admit i didnt tho. The music kind did get in the way tho and i wasnt even workinv on projects i was merly slef teaching piano and making beats. Theres gotta be a way so now i gotta win her back from some new dude shes seeing and still envole my music and be a daddy as much as i can. This is some chic stuff but for real this music does have its bad things that people dnt see.
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Before this post I would have understood you going back home to her.

After this post... If I were your brother/ friend/ cousin, I'd slap you if you didn't pursue your career first lol. Just being honest. I think you're overcomplicating your life.

We all do it though. What you have to understand is that she is NOT the only person you can/will fall in love with and want to be together forever. The phrase "there's a lot of fish in the sea" is very cliche, but it's the truth. Understand your self-worth. Get your mojo back. You can put yourself in a much better situation, ESPECIALLY going to Houston-- there are waaayy too many smart, beautiful, self-driven women in Houston.

I had a really tough breakup in college w/ someone I had a lot of vested time in (4 years... that's a lot for a college relationship). At the end of my 4th year, beginning of 5th year (don't judge me.... i switched majors), we broke up b/c I had to come to terms w/ the fact that despite how much I loved her, we argued every 2 days and I could not have that stress for the rest of my life... even though I was willing to put up with it for 4 years. I'm now married to the love of my life with child on the way, and I'm very happy I had the foresight to end that relationship.

Cut your losses and move on bro. That's what I would tell my brother.
 
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hmm i dont know waht kind of background you come from, but if you constantly breaking up with her, I dont see how this relationship is going to last, if she already has 2 kids-im sure that adds oil to fire.
 
Do you think this other dude is just going to slink away hurt and not try to fight for this girl, just as a matter of principle. He will fight for her. And he'll dump her after he wins her because he'll have proved to himself he can. What a messy life for everyone involved.
 
It's all about the girl. I wouldn't leave my musical talent alone for any woman walking this earth...except the one I ended up with and the daughter we have together. I had girls before who acted funny about me doing music, that's why they're gone now, but if you know that the one that only comes along once in a lifetime...don't let her go for nothing.

Not trying to spoil the party, but real talk to consider...if she got 2 kids and y'all 300 miles away, before you jump in head first, statistically there's a good chance her baby daddy still hittin that and in your absense she's regained a fondness for him that is cool while y'all apart, but will be f**ked up the second you're back in her life full time and her and the babydaddy still wanna catch up from time to time. I'm only putting that out there so that you don't return home to a few happy months(at most)before getting hit by surprise when things start coming out. I hope that's not the case. Good luck bruh.

Ain't nothing in this exsistance as humans realer than love, and it is possible to love another person more than your dreams. Just make sure it's the right person before you cash in your dreams. You want no regrets when you gamble that big.
 
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