This is cool, I like the pianos and the kicks, but I think the snare needs to be a little brighter, try layering it with a 'lighter' sounding snare or boost some of the hi/mid frequencies a little bit to give it some more presence in the mix. Think you need more going on with the hi hats - I get the feel you're going for with them but I think this would benefit with busier hi hats.
Cool idea, like the film samples you've put in their too, keep it up.