Son, I'm bout to help you out a WHOLE bunch. The musical ideas for this beat are very clear, and very good.
Here's your problems:
1) Way the eff too much bass. That's not how you get your bass noticed, by turning it up to 11. Turn that shit down.
b) That instrument that's playing the main melody ain't the best one, choose something else
III)The bass isn't the right choice either, I don't think.
i like the keyboard/synth sound, but the kick is kinda weird. i think it needs some better eqing, but in general it pretty cool, seems like video game music