If that's rain, it doesn't really sound like rain it sounds more like noise. I'd recommend a better effect, if it's not meant to be rain I apologize.
In terms of actual songwriting it kind of is what it is, by that I mean it works, I like the feel you've chosen it reminds me of like the opening for firefly or something,
it would go down very well live I'd imagine.
Lyrically I'd recommend not repeating "oh Emily" at the end of those lines every time, perhaps just once or twice, strategically placed and instead
just add other words which link to the previous sentence. Though this is more a personal preference.
I'd recommend bringing in at least one other musical element when the verse eventually comes in again, it's begging for it, that can be whatever you like
but I can almost hear like a harmonica or a similar sounding synth fitting perfectly.
Keep going!