Feedback on a song I wrote today called "Roots" (might change title)

VerdugoBlanco

New member
[Hook]
Let’s take a trip, back in time, to my roots
And you see, my life from my, point of view
Let’s take a trip, down memory lane
Let’s take a look, at how I was, before this game
Let’s take a trip, back in time, to my roots
Back to my origins, back to my roots


[Verse 1]
In the beginning I was offending
Everybody around me by venting
From when I was born until I’m in the morgue
You will feel my horns, wrapped around with thorns
And your selfish self sells your soul to me
Cause you want a little bit mo' money
You sold your soul to the Devil’s advocate
Who’s pulling words out the air like a magic trick
Now you gotta live life without spending
Any money since your soul was lended
To me cause you were des-poor-ate and poor
Little did you know what I had in store
For you when you said you’d give up any-
Thing to be rich enough to make it be raining
In the clubs with money and sporadicness
And tell strumpets ‘bout your new tragicness


[Hook]
Let’s take a trip, back in time, to my roots
And you see, my life from my, point of view
Let’s take a trip, down memory lane
Let’s take a look, at how I was, before this game
Let’s take a trip, back in time, to my roots
Back to my origins, back to my roots


[Verse 2]
Soon as I hear the beat I feel the need
To write something that might be a bit creep-
Ee or it might be comically stupid
When I’m talking about love and cupid
Soon as I pull out my pen and notebook
I write some rhymes that’re a bit ov'looked
Then I write your will cause you were willing
To get some fame that would feel fulfilling
You would get money delivered in heaps
When you get to the top you’ll fall off this steep
Cliff and be regarded as the new kid
When you try to come back. You’ll look stupid
When you get so angry and get so shook
Then you go rob a store and become a crook
Now you’re just living life willy nilly
And going back to being a hill billy


[Hook]
Let’s take a trip, back in time, to my roots
And you see, my life from my, point of view
Let’s take a trip, down memory lane
Let’s take a look, at how I was, before this game
Let’s take a trip, back in time, to my roots
Back to my origins, back to my roots
 
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