Been writing for a while. Need opinions.

[drix]

I was looking for a cypher thread. Couldn't find one. I've been writing on and off for years now... Maybe 5-6 years? It comes and goes but now I'm working on some real shit and soon wanna get into audio schooL. The past 3 years have been mostly focused on production...

This isn't something I'd probably even put on an album track. This is just bullshit I wrote in like 10 or so minutes because I wanted to text cypher lmao. Things are more professional if I'm writing to a beat though. Just need suggestions on what I could improve in my punchlines etc.

I'm the best rapper in my group of friends irl and offline and they all admit it, but the world is a big place and I wanna be the best emcee I can be., It's been tough for me lately 2 ride that line between being humble and being a narcissist- so please go easy on me and try your hand at pleasant, constructive criticism... if you offer your opinion I will appreciate it and listen to your suggestions. - Thanks, Drix.


I'll cypher ya'll any time at all
but my grandfather clock is off-


n`I aint got no time at'all...
only twenty 1.
I'm young but my mind?
it fathered ya'll.


The first to plop tha vinyl on,
the last to beat tha xylophone.


watching all my blood samples gone.
Vampires often bite and brawl.


Samurai to gawds.
Warrior writing with ink inside the tiger claw...


Dispersing on all the these wilin' rhymes,
graffiti had my Wild-Style on.


Break a motherfuckin' Pharoah casque,
snatch tha dust, grab a bag n get all kinda Keroac.


Riding off on the camel back,
claspin' on them packs of Camel blacks.


I'm blowing out the phantom of a fire,
like a wizard smokin on a funeral pyre.


The sun beatin down a writer,
but i'm always wearing mirror masks.


Ain't no one around me shiny.
Lookin at me all u C is yaself starin back.


I'm Nicholson in The Shining.
Writing crazily, keepin' my hand to Ax.


All my ******* grimey.
Where'd u find ya woman?

I can't even stand 2 ask.


Sittin synthesizin'.
Yakub had me crooked...

I was made a man in labs.

n I'm too busy wit science in my head again.
Whitey's lookin' devillish.


On my Tesla'N, all these guys are Edison.
Really. Keep projecting, *****.


I never take it serious when you on that selfish shit.
I'm a little generous, cuz I only give u hell and Writs...

 

[Unastablished]

Do you have any audio it would help me understand your style.

 

[drix]

Do you have any audio it would help me understand your style.

Yeah I do in fact... I've recorded a lot over the years... This is from a while ago. Just a throwaway jawn I produced myself.

https://soundcloud.com/hendrixjeru/algernon-prod-by-hendrix-jacobs

I'm going for a beatnik, kinda backpacker style. I guess. edit: it works now for me. anyway yeah. Idk. I like that track but I hate my voice on it. Lately I've been hitting it a little harder and using a deeper voice.