16 Bars for JayZs "Feelin It" intsrumental - Feedback please

[dLOVErap]

I write a lot and have been lurking this forum for a while, so decided to post something up, thanks for any feedback

//I'm iller than most, and you can tell too
//Sorry for any plans that've fell through
//And let me tell you, just how I'm feelin' now
//Even if you hate this shit, I've never felt as real as now
//A talent hidden, disguised, I couldn't get rid of
//Drunk and high spittin' lines, just to live the
//Life I dreamt of as a child, If even for a while
//Til I sober up like, thinking last night was wild
//And YEAH, In my next lifetime I'll let loose
//I'll play for the Nets, drop an album every June
//WAIT, What the **** you mean we only live once,
//And I better go for it now, or give up
//So I'll rap like everyday intact's a lesson
//And since I guess the NBA is out of question
//So if I'm a rapper, I better ****in' bring it
//Cuz nowadays, a white rappers a played out gimmick, isn’t it?

 

[Blahzayblahzay]

welcome to the forum. it's very good, pretty thoughtful, organized, and determined. strong effort. there's a couple thing's i'll suggest. what i'm saying next is an absolute fact, the research to back it up is in the clear. just don't view yourself as "the different white rapper", there's a million cloned spitters regardless of ethnicity, and there's even tons of white cats getting lost in saying their a different "white rapper" and becoming stale themselves, you know like you listen and say "i get the point man, damn". i know you only say it in one bar at the end, but i'm just throwing advice. a lot of heads like to think they're unique just by saying they are, but in fact are bullshitting. so keep it light if you wanna mention ethnicity. just be you and don't sweat it.

anyways, it's a good introduction, it will go well on a beat. i enforce this to everyone, don't be afraid to be a wise ass, use punches, insert imagery and metaphors, etc. it only enhances the personality in your lyrics. the more creative substance the more you stick out. the basketball lines are cool, i'm a huge nba fan and rap about it constantly, knicks though, i hated the nets after kidd left. you're gonna spit those lines, it'll be tight, but just think of yourself as a separate entity, what you like and think, and how you can project that through rap. It's a great opportunity for self expression. yea, it's a stream of thought essay, i need my job to start soon, hope i gave some value. safe