Simile's, Metaphors, Punchlines... Rhyme.

nattwalls said:
hey pm me a link too im curious to hear your stuff!
i know were down to battle, im waiting for you (and ben) to drop your verses!
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i dropped my verse in me vs you

if juggernaut replies then ill take you and him on together.

ill pm u the links.
 
chill guys haha. its kool, i can understand why he doesnt like it. the rhymes were basic but i wasnt going for complexity when i wrote it. Gutty, u understood where i was going with it. Yea, it was more about the story than rhyme scheme. but i respect buds opinion to.

anyways i got something for yall that i dug up. its a verse with some deep metaphores from when i was workin on that real hard. i found it on a web blog i used to write stuff in a long time ago. here it is:

(Feb. 6, 2006)

lets get lifted tha rap game has shifted, i wasnt born on christmas but they say im gifted, mind twisted feelin like i lost my Brain~cells, they call me rapper slash sex symbol? no wonder my Name~sells, i flip syllables unmasked and unkillable, zaz reigns tha game puts Pac to shame its pitiful, money cars and clothes are meaningless, first kingdom then my microphone im meaning~this, stop!...i forgot to check my biscuits, i can cook up some beats for us texas misfits, gotta get wit~this, to walk like Jesus is number one on my wish~list, thats the only way to pose the perfect witness, i see very clearly in my unique visions, when i stumble from Jah i feel hurt like deep incisions, matter of fact i thank God for all of these provisions, now listen, i wish i could change just one life just one soul's position, im missin, those smiles like the look on my aunts face when she got that new expedition. as tha paint is glistening and tha whole trunk filled wit magazines, little booklets that are modern day vaccines, cuz this world is dieing i know ya know what that~means, only hope that they can cope long enough to see the promise was more than a dream."

-Z
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Kid u all outta line u all outta place,ur a waste
the difference beteween me an u is like easter,im a hard egg to find and ur a basketcase

im ill on mics even to the point of def
the flow is asthmatic bound to take ya breath
 
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get schooled im raw, my tunes old school like greensleeves
and weed relieves grief why you think its called greenpeace?

blaze zoots and were staying high
cos there aint no afghan man whos making us fly

play with fire call flames toys
gotta spit over tetris cos i got game boy!

test this and be another breh on my deathlist
breathless your crews fulla more squares than tetris

im iller than a tetnis infected sket with a deathwish and her neckslit

your'e asking to win bastards chances are slim
like opportunitistic bytches dancing in gyms

you got no presence like peasents

Im running out of patience like dr shipman

im on a roll like im riding a dice

white lightnings your wife cos imma get in cider tonite

i kill it on the web like spiders with flys

so most foes be hoping we flee
so greedy ill hold private eating contests in ethopia for me
wont open for street, kids greed lives like chamillionaire we
greedier than three jewish multi millionaire thieves

f you hate-slash when the great ace makes-raps
your crew'll comeback a man short like take-that

the streets packed-with-guns but slash'll-hunt-with-rhymes
i aint a pussy that writes...im a ****-with-lines!

im iller than george-best before-death with a four-x
a lord-blessed with raw-text so talk-threats and your-dead
i torch-flesh scorch-chests and my force-wrecks
jaws,-necks when im in war-vexed with a sword-stretched
nothing but a corpse-left and the morgues-next
or i could walk-steps and leave it on your-skets door-step
i was born-hexed and cursed-in-britain
and my hurt-is-hidden in every word-ive-written
my verse-is-ridden with verbs so on a perfect-riddum
ive got you shook like electrical surges in a nervous-system
my work-gets-bitten so superb-your-smitten
put pussys down but us vets dont work-with-kittens
ive burnt-my-mittens from the mics-hot-metal
im like-gods-devil and this aint even my-top-level
your nice-drops-trebled, i write-lots cos its my-job
to scribe-hot lines-what fight-squads till lifes-lost
 
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to arms my brothers, let the heavens know war
i'll be that alphabet avatar leaving scars upon the floorboards
as if simply to prove your philosophies flawed
i simultaneously lost my religion and found god

under the influence of passion i'm slashing the titans
writing the verses that leave the worthless a fathom beneath the surface
i can tell that you're nervous, you're struggling just to breathe
while i continue to dream in three hundred sixty degrees

the reason i exude styles both akward and beautiful
is because my mind has never been confined to a cubicle
superceeding the atmosphere you labeled as limitations
to deface the complacent without cessation of amazement

i've escaped from the basement to steal the earth back from the meek
while you're steady singing songs out the catalogs of the weak
speak of the death of a genre when our vinyls are pristine
hip hop is alive and well you're just dead to the scene

there's a war going on between the art and the machine

white knuckles pressed against the american dream

let the crystal smoke flow vs a pre emptive attack

because i make the type of records aimed to hit the needle back
 
what gives? Bushs lives to justify war, while poeple over here starvin
just a looney-bafoon like looney-tunes chasing marvin the martian
him and his VP will kill men in war while neglecting katrina babies
id rather go skiing with sonny bono then go hunting with chenney
yes i do tell political jokes but the joke is the wealthiy king in it
the fact is that the whole cabnet has not one healthy thing in it
the kings of the earth shall parish in the end, but who else shall suffer?
the U.S., U.N. an U who condone it are the ones that wont be covered
...or protected since they who is the ones that knowingly neglected
the katrina victims while thinking about iraq so calm and collected
never respected, now im rantin!, im still sad for the katrina residents!
bush is a dried up well, so the victims represented by dead presidents
 
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yeah this comin off the top of my dome/
ya top lip will be layin on the top of my chrome/
now ya chicks lickin on the top of my bone/
cuz she saw the shiny glare on the top of my stone

biatch
 
Like Stevie Wonder behind shaded glasses im one u dont wanna see
Even if u came original u still wouldnt be authentic as me
 
its sracastic ya know like irony. he already blind plus he wearing dark shades.... but anyway who gives a ****,its all from the writers perspective right?
some or your sh!t i ddint understand either but some of it i liked.
but thanks for the critic,least u checked me out lol

Like a queen in chess the flow can go in any direction
One wrong move its over, be careful of ya square selection
 
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You cant see me like stevie

Im more felt than stevie wonders furniture

are both old punches ive used, i saw what you was trying to do it didnt work aswell as you would of liked tho tbh
 
Im more felt than stevie wonders furniture
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that's a good line...i'm still not feeling the "can't see me like stevie" thing...seeing as how i can see stevie wonder fine, and the sentence structure does not make me feel you were trying to imply i can't see you simply because mr. wonder can't see anything...

i'm like the point of capitalism, you just can't see me (that's my current offer)
 
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i guess ill stop before the thread gets outta hand,we have a lot of Krs -Ones on here tho lol,but its cool. i understood me.
 
i'll take that as compliment

starchild said:
some or your sh!t i ddint understand either but some of it i liked.
but thanks for the critic,least u checked me out lol
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thanks for the props, i know i'm a bit too abstract at times...but it could be worse...if you ever get a chance to hear dose one you'll know how far over the line an emcee can cross and still have a fan base...that guy's as wierd as they come...

Like a queen in chess the flow can go in any direction
One wrong move its over, be careful of ya square selection
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that's a good one...

buyer beware this disk is venemous enough to stomp a kiss into submission
i only stand still to piss on your position
i don't hold you in high reguards i only hold you at a distance
cause i don't wanna catch whatever fake styles you claim to be sick with
 
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take it how ya want,but to clear it up i should say it too many KRS wannabees.he truley is the epitome of emcees, and to name a few others Rakim,Supernatural,Juice. just to name a few. i just didnt see em on here

and alter i wasnt knockin u dawg u have some good rhymes,im really talkin bout the site as a whole,especially cats who dont have no skills.Thanks for the compliments big ups,maybe i took u and my man Bud wrong this time. its just makes me write better fire(wink)

buyer beware this disk is venemous enough to stomp a kiss into submission
i only stand still to piss on your position
i don't hold you in high reguards i only hold you at a distance
cause i don't wanna catch whatever fake styles you claim to be sick with...........very dope

and Bud yo British ass always comin wit some bloody fire lol,keep it up
 
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^that was pretty nice

after this verse from one of the hottest bastards
You'll be sliding down the poll's like exotic dancers

im a giant with tougher thoughts **** a juggernaut
bruv, you aint making the cut like rubberswords
i must be raw with punches like uppercuts with force
to bust ya jaws, ill spit on beats like there cuspidors
 
The god man takin over land like king Xerxes
I make cats breakout like a b-boy with herpes
 
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