Pretty new to rap - here's my second track.

Nice flow man but try to work on your style and your follow through. Rapping isn't all about rhyming and story telling, you have to make it work with the music, it was a bit choppy. Keep working at bro.
 
Not bad, but like they said the flow is a little choppy. Might wanna add some doubles/adlibs.

If you got a minute, check out my remix I did for a contest. Vote for me if you like it. All feedback is welcome good or bad. Thanks
http://indaba.us/ga4j
 
You lack a definitive mic presence and sound a bit subdued. Try to put more emphasis on your words and rhythyms (Cadence). Flow is O.K. a bit choppy.
 
You've got potential, but some things to work on;
1. Your flow bounces around. Feel the beat and really ride with it.
2. You sound a little uncomfortable on the mic and it bleeds through to the listener. Attack with confidence. As music dudes, we all know the general public will only give something a listen if it first, is pleasing to the ear and captivates their attention. Really make the listener feel what you're saying through your voice and delivery.

other than that, just stay with it. Keep writing and practicing!

If you could drop me some feedback on this track, I'd appreciate it a lot -- https://www.futureproducers.com/forums/production-techniques/showcase-your-music-give-receive-feedback/%2Anew%2A-1000-grams-feedback-4-feedback-453118/#post49676553
 
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