incorporating my poetry into music.... much criticism need!

N

neiaalthea

New member
Hi, my name is Neia Althea. I've been writing poetry and novels all my life but lately I've been trying to flow with music. I'm here for criticism, because I know for a fact my music is not perfect and refined. It's just a small verse and I'd appreciate some feedback. My style is a little bit different, it's more positive and informing, so let me know what you think. Have a great day everyone and thanks in advance for taking a look.

~Neia Althea

Check it out here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hzp1cHubOgk

Namaste!
 
i liked it the poem it was really good. music wise its a need bass just simple semibreve notes (4 beat note sustains/held down). like A note down to the F note. (i think your piece is in a minor if not root note down 4 semi tones) this would give it a much darker feel. little simple thing but effective
 
Last edited:
very good sample, wow, do not have critic for this, love it ha ha, I've subscribed to your channel, wait more!
 
Toonski...First of all, not all music needs a bass line. This sounds like a piece that would be an introduction or outro to an album. Also, if your going to talk theory, try to explain it in a simpler way to someone who probably has no clue what you're talking about. Regarding the OP's post, I liked it. Needs a good mix. If you want, send it my way, and I'll mix it for free. PM me for my details.
 
Last edited:
super supa nasty said:
very good sample, wow, do not have critic for this, love it ha ha, I've subscribed to your channel, wait more!
Click to expand...

Thanks so much! I've added a new version, it's linked to the original video if youre interested! Thanks again, what a great confidence for a beginner like myself.
 
neiaalthea said:
Thanks so much! I've added a new version, it's linked to the original video if youre interested! Thanks again, what a great confidence for a beginner like myself.
Click to expand...

ok, gonna check later!
 
im diggin it the lyrics are meaningful and the beat fits well but i think the vocals could be a little clearer. other than that no gripes good stuff.
 
I liked the beat a lot. But the problem is the mixing of your vocals, my guess is it's just something you did in your bedroom so that's fine. The lyrics were cool, more positive than what we usually hear. Your performance needs a lot more energy, you gotta let that emotion out! The lyrics tells a different story than your performance. The lyrics sound like being pissed at things in the world and in society, yet your performance is so calm. Try to give a little more intensity in your performance and you will be fine.

Could you return the favor and check my song and give me feedback too? Thanks!
https://www.futureproducers.com/for...ney-wedding-song-feedback-appreciated-460612/
 
Last edited:
DRS said:
I liked the beat a lot. But the problem is the mixing of your vocals, my guess is it's just something you did in your bedroom so that's fine. The lyrics were cool, more positive than what we usually hear. Your performance needs a lot more energy, you gotta let that emotion out! The lyrics tells a different story than your performance. The lyrics sound like being pissed at things in the world and in society, yet your performance is so calm. Try to give a little more intensity in your performance and you will be fine.

Could you return the favor and check my song and give me feedback too? Thanks!
https://www.futureproducers.com/for...ney-wedding-song-feedback-appreciated-460612/
Click to expand...


Hey, yes, a couple of my friends have said the same thing about showing more emotion. It's kind of hard for me because I have detachment issues, sometimes when I view issues on society, that really is just my tone.... like an understanding type of dissapointment. But I am going to try and work on getting these emotions out of me because they are probably just repressed, and plus, I don't want to sound too monotone to the audience. Thank you so much for you honesty and I will def check you your song as well!
 
neiaalthea said:
Hey, yes, a couple of my friends have said the same thing about showing more emotion. It's kind of hard for me because I have detachment issues, sometimes when I view issues on society, that really is just my tone.... like an understanding type of dissapointment. But I am going to try and work on getting these emotions out of me because they are probably just repressed, and plus, I don't want to sound too monotone to the audience. Thank you so much for you honesty and I will def check you your song as well!
Click to expand...

By the way, thanks for your feedback on my song, glad you liked it.

I understand that showing a lot of emotion might not be you, but here's the thing. Rapping/Singing is pretty much like acting. It's like you become your own interpret. See it this way, YOU are writing YOUR emotions and YOUR thoughts and you're giving it to someone else who will do his best to interpret your writing. So you kinda have to become someone else when you perform. So maybe the "you" that is writing keeps thing to herself, but the "you" performing needs to be the opposite and make sure those lyrics are felt. I hope that can help even more.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top