A new song

J

JewieThomsen

New member
Just wrote this, hope you like it


Drunken girls,
I'm hiding in the bottom of a bottle,
down with the liquor, full throttle,
find a girl, tell her, she the one for me
a moment of fake love,
a moment of a fake you,
the moments passed through,
cause everytime, the girl is new,
and she's never been you,

forever a placebo,
you never let me go
please don't go, oh,
ill give you all of me,
but I'm a drunken mess,
how could i offer less?

a fake love,
i guess,
its obvious
cause whatever girl, its miscellaneous,
i guess,
i should take it as a warning,
that i never wake up with the right girl in the morning.

Third in the row,
Shes a 15, stay or go?
not sure to hit it or not,
am i going too far, or will i hit jackpot?
she's just another card in the stack,
Loves a gamble, a game of blackjack,
i **** love, she another example
but its after 21, i guess i lost,
cause finding love at night has a cost
but i thought i had an ace up my sleeve,
a dream to believe
but I'm left with a clubbed heart,
yeh, i guess the cartel boss played his part.
all i got is a future as spade as a immature diamond


forever a placebo,
you never let me go
please don't go, oh,
ill give you all of me,
but I'm a drunken mess,
how could i offer less?

a fake love,
i guess,
its obvious
cause whatever girl, its miscellaneous,
i guess,
i should take it as a warning,
that i never wake up with the right girl in the morning.

Yet i hunger for it still,
but you lose the thrill,
when every single girl on the mill,
is on her 10th drink, and her 20th pill.

Thanks in advance
 
Last edited:
Third in the row,
Shes a 15,
not sure to hit it or not,
she's just another card in the stack,
Loves a gamble, a game of blackjack,
i **** love, she another example
but its after 21, i guess i lost,
you don't find your love at night,
but i thought i had an ace up my sleeve,
a dream to believe
but I'm left with a clubbed heart,
and a future so spade as a immature diamond
yeh, i guess the cartel boss played his part.
Click to expand...
Alright I think I see what you're doing here. Clever, but it hardly even rhymes. You've got some good ideas, the hook's pretty solid, the verses just need a little work. I see potential though, keep at it
 
Thanks for the reply, i took note of the things you said about 2nd verse, and changed it a bit - please tell me if you believe its better now ;) And anyone else - please keep throwing out opinions!
 
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