Complete Confliction (Feedback)

[D-Z-U-B-Z]

part of a song i wrote a while ago, just seein if i could get some feedback

and just so yall know, theres a part where theres 4 bars that rhyme all the same way, but it doesnt rhyme on paper, you have to follow how i use it to make it rhyme, all the words will be marked with this notation- **

-CHORUS x2- (singing)

i dont need your help, ill do it all myself
thats how it is, thats how its been, its me and no one else
all i ask is when i die you remember me
cause even though im gone, ill live on, through your memory


-VERSE-(32 bars)

This is who i am, who i came to be/
i dip and i yoke and i swang the streets/
i sip and i smoke and i slang the trees/
it might be difficult but just hang with me/
unless you aint about scrill ima have to keep it real/
heel-toe, get the fuk up out my grill/
im tryna get that money off the dank leaves/
keep it movin so fast that i cant breathe/
and every otha motha fuka wanna hate me/
it always stays the same its how the game be/
its a bay thing, dont ever let ya guard down/
high crime rate, crime pays in our town/
its gon pop, in Live fa Mo/ (livermore)
dog watch ya crop i pull licks fa sho/
better get ya hoe, for Young D get her/
and rip her, split her up the middle like a swisher/
it juuuuust, my lifestyle**/ (they all have a WOW or NOW sound to em)
for survival** i live my life wild**/ (u know, its like "survivOWl" or "wOWld")
no doubt**, i thizz and i smile**/
but you wouldnt ever know it cause its upside down**/
how u like me now?, now that im on top/
and u wonder how, why it just dont stop/
ill always go dumb when i cut up the rug 'n/
hit up nugs of bud for the love like its nothin/
girl show me somthin, shake ya @ss on the flo/
(pause) then let me take ya @ss home/
let me take ya @ss home and i show u wut i do/
i yeast off the E wont leave til im through/
girl be coo, (cool) ill be back later/
as for right now i got ta have paper/
but no matter how much it aint never enough/
no matter how much it aint NEVER enough/

-CHORUS X2-

 

[Bigwon]

kind of seems like the topic just get's randomly switched, not quite feeling the "ow" pronounciations....i think i'd have to hear it audio...

 

[D-Z-U-B-Z]

Topic never changed, I am the topic. the song is basically who i am, and wut i do. it pretty much goes wut i do, im bout the money and ima get it regardless, my towns kinda shady, watch ur sh1t cause i might take it, keep an eye on ur girl, im so fuked up and still go dumb, so let me take a girl home for a minute and then its back to the money. And as soon as my boy will stop being gay and record my sh1t ill throw this one up on here so u can peep it cause the "ow" rhymes are perfect, just gotta hear it