Hey man, nice to see some funky style music.
. You have great artwork btw.
I love the idea, the melody which starts at 0:11 gets even better at 1:17. You certainly dont have problems with the idea. I have a feeling that you chose the right sounds and instruments for this type of track. What you should improve is mixing, and structure knowledge. Some parts come in as really unexpected, for example 1:39 is a huge jump, try playing with the cutoff automation. At 0:50, when you bring in the the drums they are really loud, try to decrease the volume a bit, and try to automate it till 1:00. Try to maybe sidechain a bit, I dont think it is necessary for this song, but it would definitaly interesting to play around with and wait for the results.
Take care
Jay