Lyrics are dope and the beat is raw!!! I believe you have something unique there. But other than the quality of the vocals the one major problem I see which is essential to music in every genre, is the emotion that you are creating for the listener. There was no emotion in any of the words you were spitting. In a track like that I want to be captivated. If you Listen to EMINEM and see how he takes you on that emotional roller coaster throughout his songs. That is what I believe you need to do and if you can portray emotion's that you are talking about in the song...then it would be a banger....DEDICATION+MOTIVATION+SACRIFICE=SUCCESS