I think your flow sounds alright, but like P10 said, get some feeling in it! Someone once told me "when I rap it's like I'm in a battle for my soul" and I understand what he means - having passion for what he's saying & expressing it. ALso like "the Surgeon" said, the rhyme schemes weird in some spots. To try to fix that, you can listen to rappers who's skills you respect and see how they do their rhyme patterns, and if they don't rhyme how they make it sound right, etc.
My personal experience is that it takes a lot of practice writing everyday, recording often, and performing live, to get a feel for what works and what doesn't. There's no better day than today.
Good luck, I can see your sound getting somewhere with perserverance..