improving the rhyme flow

the FLOW is what you make it. i checked it out...you've got some alright concepts...but...where is thee emotion?!??!?! straight sounds like you're reading off the paper man! before you even try to record the verse...learn it and go over it fully so that you can at least commit some parts of it to memory. heck...if you wanna take the one you recorded...just take it and listen to it until you memorize the words...then go back and record it with some feeling and emotion. if you sound boring on the mic...you will be bored when you hear it. pretend you're 2Pac...and let it loose. also...when you do start spittin with emotion...this will take more space because of emphasis on words and syllables...so you'll learn a different way of how to spit it because it won't be as easy.
 
Flow isnt all that bad.. Rhyme scheme is a bit weird..
The main problem is the emotion in the first guys delivery.Sounds like you cant be arsed.. second guy is better. Flow is actulli quite nice .Again a bit of a weird rhyme scheme though
 
I think your flow sounds alright, but like P10 said, get some feeling in it! Someone once told me "when I rap it's like I'm in a battle for my soul" and I understand what he means - having passion for what he's saying & expressing it. ALso like "the Surgeon" said, the rhyme schemes weird in some spots. To try to fix that, you can listen to rappers who's skills you respect and see how they do their rhyme patterns, and if they don't rhyme how they make it sound right, etc.

My personal experience is that it takes a lot of practice writing everyday, recording often, and performing live, to get a feel for what works and what doesn't. There's no better day than today.

Good luck, I can see your sound getting somewhere with perserverance..
 
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If its an emotional track make it sound emotional, if its aggressive sound aggressive, if its funny or a club track or some **** then just give it that hyped feel, spit like your in front of a crowd when your in the booth. Make sure you emphasise all the rhymes well. Use basic multies if you dont wanna use advanced multies - it improve flow ten fold and its the fashion - listeners like it. Learn technical aspects even if your not focusin on using them because they help you even when you dont use them by giving you a wider knowledge of what works well.

you dont want voilent fights, Im the frightning type
frightning guys like silent nights when lightning strikes

^flows because of multies but you can use half multies...to help flow

lightning

if you rhymed light alot of times in the set of two bars it would improve flow because more syllables in the bars match and rhyme

just my advice

P.s practice your verse and deliver it in different ways, choose the one you enjoy the most and hope others will
 
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