MY FIRST RAP PLEASE GIVE HONEST feedback.

[New.dude.on.block]

Before I start, just so you have some context this rap IS SUPPOSED TO go to the instrumental of the song jocelyn flores. BUT ITS MY FIRST RAP SOOO..... meh

(CHORUS HOOK THING)
I feel you sorrow in slow mo,
I'm trying to move but it's holding me down
I feel your pain and its so cold,
Its freezing me out like a circle of hell
I feel hatred and sorrow, feels like I'm trapped in a box, could you please let me out.
All I feel is pain, I can feel the pain of the whole world
I'm stuck in my, my own miiiiiiiinnd

VERSE:
I'm beginning to lose my taste for this world.
I wonder, do I even have what it takes for this world
To keep me pushing through the pressure
Of thinking I need to change,
Stop thinking that life's a game,
Realize that we're the same.
Two people, two different houses, stories, and different names,different lives and different struggles but really similar lanes.
And I feel we're in a crisis
War is on the horizon
Covid had made our minds shift
Now we're walking like blind kids
Now we're filling our time with
Wondering why our God left
Wondering where our God went
Left to our own devices to bustle through all the grime an.
But that's what life is.
Pressures, sorrows, and crisis
Sure love can help you out but loneliness is abundant.
So that's the struggle remember?
Similar lanes,
You may think we're not the same but the equalizer is pain...

(CHORUS HOOK THINGY AGAIN)