WillOldham
New member
The Manual (How to Have a Number One the Easy Way) is a 1988 book by The Timelords, better known as The KLF. It is a tongue-in-cheek step by step guide to achieving a No.1 single with no money or musical skills, and a case study of the duo's UK novelty pop No. 1 "Doctorin The Tardis".
Has anyone else read this book, it's a bit dated and a bit of joke but the people who wrote it were very sucessful in terms of pop hits.(The Klf were the best selling singles act of 1991) I think some of the stuff in the book would still be useful for record companies or producers today Here are some quotes I like. (Just google it if you want the book)
'Firstly, you must be skint and on the dole. Anybody with a proper job or tied up with full time education will not have the time to devote to see it through.'
'Unwrap pop's layers and what we are left with is the same old plate of meat and two veg that have kept generations of pop pickers well satisfied. The emotional appetite that chart pop satisfies is constant. The hunger is forever.'
'Other than achieving a Number One hit single we offer you nothing else. There will be no endless wealth. Fame will flicker and fade and sex will still be a problem.'
'Every Number One song ever written is only made up from bits from other songs. There is no lost chord. No changes untried. No extra notes to the scale or hidden beats to the bar. There is no point in searching for originality. In the past, most writers of songs spent months in their lonely rooms strumming their guitars or bands in rehearsals have ground their way through endless riffs before arriving at the song that takes them to the very top. Of course, most of them would be mortally upset to be told that all they were doing was leaving it to chance before they stumbled across the tried and tested.'
'Creators of music who desperately search originality usually end up with music that has none because no room for their spirit has been left to get through.'
'In this day and age no song with a BPM over 135 will ever have a chance of getting to Number One. The vast majority of regular club goers will not be able to dance to it and still look cool.'
'Do not attempt writing chorus lyrics that deal in regret, jealousy, hatred or any other negative emotions. These require a vocal performer of great depth to put it over well'
'The lyrics for the chorus must never deal with anything but the most basic of human emotions. This is not us trying to be cynical in a clever sort of way when we say "stick to the cliches". The cliches are the cliches because they deal with the emotional topics we all feel. No records are bought in vast quantities because the lyrics are intellectually clever or deal in strange and new ideas. In fact, the lyrics can be quite meaningless in a literal sense but still have a great emotional pull.'
Has anyone else read this book, it's a bit dated and a bit of joke but the people who wrote it were very sucessful in terms of pop hits.(The Klf were the best selling singles act of 1991) I think some of the stuff in the book would still be useful for record companies or producers today Here are some quotes I like. (Just google it if you want the book)
'Firstly, you must be skint and on the dole. Anybody with a proper job or tied up with full time education will not have the time to devote to see it through.'
'Unwrap pop's layers and what we are left with is the same old plate of meat and two veg that have kept generations of pop pickers well satisfied. The emotional appetite that chart pop satisfies is constant. The hunger is forever.'
'Other than achieving a Number One hit single we offer you nothing else. There will be no endless wealth. Fame will flicker and fade and sex will still be a problem.'
'Every Number One song ever written is only made up from bits from other songs. There is no lost chord. No changes untried. No extra notes to the scale or hidden beats to the bar. There is no point in searching for originality. In the past, most writers of songs spent months in their lonely rooms strumming their guitars or bands in rehearsals have ground their way through endless riffs before arriving at the song that takes them to the very top. Of course, most of them would be mortally upset to be told that all they were doing was leaving it to chance before they stumbled across the tried and tested.'
'Creators of music who desperately search originality usually end up with music that has none because no room for their spirit has been left to get through.'
'In this day and age no song with a BPM over 135 will ever have a chance of getting to Number One. The vast majority of regular club goers will not be able to dance to it and still look cool.'
'Do not attempt writing chorus lyrics that deal in regret, jealousy, hatred or any other negative emotions. These require a vocal performer of great depth to put it over well'
'The lyrics for the chorus must never deal with anything but the most basic of human emotions. This is not us trying to be cynical in a clever sort of way when we say "stick to the cliches". The cliches are the cliches because they deal with the emotional topics we all feel. No records are bought in vast quantities because the lyrics are intellectually clever or deal in strange and new ideas. In fact, the lyrics can be quite meaningless in a literal sense but still have a great emotional pull.'
Last edited:
