Rate my lyrics. (I am a beginner and need an opinion)

T

TSKR

TSKR
Tie up my vans
Jump on the stands
Smash in your face with my own two hands
Pull out your hair strand by strand
You may think I’m crazy but this is planned
Ain’t it grand
Lookin at my hands
Broke my knuckles
Lookin at the blood run down an I start to chuckle
See you struggle
pull out my knife
Watch a couple run by
Shoot the man in the eye
Kiss the woman goodbye
As she starts to cry
I dont know why
I really can’t lie
So in reply I Make her mine
She’s my wife
Then one night we start to fight
So while she sleeps I take her life
And watch her lights go out
no need to shout.


 
These arent lyrics. This is poem. Lyrics cannot be judged without contects of the song and instrumental. You can write a best poem in a world but it may be a rancid song.
 
Suber said:
These arent lyrics. This is poem. Lyrics cannot be judged without contects of the song and instrumental. You can write a best poem in a world but it may be a rancid song.
Click to expand...
Ok so Is this better

faith is never belittled, loves not little
I will preach about god till my heart goes brittle,

Yea I’m a fighter, I’m a soldier
Every day I get bolder, I grow older, start to bolster
If I feel Disturbed all I got to do is pull the gun out it’s holster
Or just ghost her, picture perfect like a poster
Listen to the pitch go up and down like a roller coaster
lucky like a four leaf clover, high stakes roller
Always sober.

Listen to my raps don’t it sound like I’m bipolar
Yet I keep a good composure, not a poser
Always kosher, yet a joker
To be honest sometimes it seems like my potential ain’t even out of its baby stroller
Spit bars like a motor, I’m a loner, never mediocre
There’s a beast inside and I just had to poke her, I awoke her, then I broke her

From exposure to this world yea
All the hate and all the madness, it just causes so much sadness
Makes my hairs prick up like needles on a cactus
Why are people’s hearts filled with so much blackness
There’s no was to cap this so ima just go on and blast this
Aiming for the masses been working my way up the chain like molasses
I spit bars the fastest

No one out here’s gonna pass this, let alone blast this
Never surpass this
Ye I’m in the fast lane every one else they are in last place
Look at the rap rates am I in last place... nah
Best in all of the states that’s me
Find someone better than me and we’ll see
Yet I guarantee an you better agree that there is no one better than thee
Living like the bourgeoisie
Yelling my raps like a banshee
I foresee an guarantee that one day I’ll be the best just wait and you’ll see
 
TSKR said:
Tie up my vans
Jump on the stands
Smash in your face with my own two hands
Pull out your hair strand by strand
You may think I’m crazy but this is planned
Ain’t it grand
Lookin at my hands
Broke my knuckles
Lookin at the blood run down an I start to chuckle
See you struggle
pull out my knife
Watch a couple run by
Shoot the man in the eye
Kiss the woman goodbye
As she starts to cry
I dont know why
I really can’t lie
So in reply I Make her mine
She’s my wife
Then one night we start to fight
So while she sleeps I take her life
And watch her lights go out
no need to shout.
Click to expand...
Aye youre the next eminem you know
Eminems techique is to first write the chorus and freestyle the whole rap but some times
You have to make the relations to the lines
And this aint a song this is a freestyle
And you gotta work on songwriting
Songwriting means
Songs order
Is

intro, verse — chorus — verse — chorus —bridge — chorus — outro.
But if you have a good beat
Upload this freestyle on youtube as a eminem type freestyle and youll get millions of views
And the rhymes are not the only thing in rap
u also need some sense the lines should have a relation
 
TSKR said:
Tie up my vans
Jump on the stands
Smash in your face with my own two hands
Pull out your hair strand by strand
You may think I’m crazy but this is planned
Ain’t it grand
Lookin at my hands
Broke my knuckles
Lookin at the blood run down an I start to chuckle
See you struggle
pull out my knife
Watch a couple run by
Shoot the man in the eye
Kiss the woman goodbye
As she starts to cry
I dont know why
I really can’t lie
So in reply I Make her mine
She’s my wife
Then one night we start to fight
So while she sleeps I take her life
And watch her lights go out
no need to shout.
Click to expand...
Aye youre the next eminem you know
Eminems techique is to first write the chorus and freestyle the whole rap but some times
You have to make the relations to the lines
And this aint a song this is a freestyle
And you gotta work on songwriting
Songwriting means
Songs order
Is

intro, verse — chorus — verse — chorus —bridge — chorus — outro.
But if you have a good beat
Upload this freestyle on youtube as a eminem type freestyle and youll get millions of views
And the rhymes are not the only thing in rap
u also need some sense the lines should have a relatn
TSKR said:
Ok so check out some of my beats that I made
The Best - YouTube
The Next Big Thing - YouTube
the awakening - YouTube
Click to expand...
A
TSKR said:
Ok so check out some of my beats that I made
The Best - YouTube
The Next Big Thing - YouTube
the awakening - YouTube
Click to expand...
Aye use them in that freestyle
 
two glocks cocked in the sock drawer
lawyer on call I got lock jaw
thought i would talk to a cop, johnny law
so far up my ass its all torn raw
call up the fall guy to stall the court
stacked up dollars and ive gone to war
got the shotty in the drawer we always on call
on tour snortin pure peformin encores.

havent keysyled'' in a long time
 
Murtaza said:
Aye youre the next eminem you know
Eminems techique is to first write the chorus and freestyle the whole rap but some times
You have to make the relations to the lines
And this aint a song this is a freestyle
And you gotta work on songwriting
Songwriting means
Songs order
Is

intro, verse — chorus — verse — chorus —bridge — chorus — outro.
But if you have a good beat
Upload this freestyle on youtube as a eminem type freestyle and youll get millions of views
And the rhymes are not the only thing in rap
u also need some sense the lines should have a relation
Click to expand...

So eminem does the hook first? Do you know this to be true. (spchhh cuz I have to do everything in the same order as eminem cuz duh obvious success (*that was sarcastic*) I have heard him talk about using skeleton beats (like how he lost the original lose yourself. , if you listen to infinite (lyrically epic) but the hooks, even beats tend to fall a bit short (IMO dot hate me lo)....I also have noted the beat 'lifts' for the eminem verse, espeicially on features from other artists tracks. (sometimes everything but the highats and melody) I wanna say 'renegade' does this but am not that good at remembering song structure for everything. when I hear one ill list it if i remember lol

I always wondered why the beat would seem to drop for his verse, at first I thought it was just to showcase his lyrics. The more times I hear this happen the less I believe this is the case....
 
Suber said:
These arent lyrics. This is poem. Lyrics cannot be judged without contects of the song and instrumental. You can write a best poem in a world but it may be a rancid song.
Click to expand...
Where the hell were you when I was 12! Lol still adopting old accapellas to fit beats. I was all like ice-t in rick n morty, what 4/4!?!? I dont uff with math lol.
 
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