Can someone give me pointers?

Still_hurting

New member
I do not have any musical education, but I do enjoy writing a lot.
This is my most recent and finished lyric project and it would really be great if I could get some constructive criticism.

You were 14 when that man killed that women and then shot himself.
You were just around and happened to stumble around and
you saw them probably laying on the ground.
and suddenly you were damaged
so they gave a child some xanax
it was suppose to fix this?
and now your an addict.

I saw a lot of fucked up shit, standing out in the cold
as if I survived anything at all.
But I was a child with out presence
I kind of thank the world for leaving me alone and not creating another addict.
But now im feening death and all I did was watch this shit.
couldnt help put out your flames cuz I got wrapped up in shit.
ran away thinking I could escape the mess,
but i guess its infectious.

lets list symptoms:

I breath deep
sigh, spitting rotten teeth
choke on blood that is black
Must be coagulating underneath.
I try to speak
my words are pernicious and thin
and it feels like I am already dead.

My heart palpitates like a rusted machine
left to break, under the weight
of what I had once dreamed
I crack teeth on words that have no meaning
and I spend time with my self
because I lost all reason

to live.
 
Back
Top