First Single (Vanish) in progress, feedback required

_BOX_

New member
Hi guys, this will be the first song I've completed fully and I know there's work to be done in terms of production and the vocals are placeholder.
And there will also be more actual vocal lines added
But I'm wondering this simple question. Is there anything to it, did you feel something?
Thanks kindly for your time.


woops just realized i attached a version without vocals on the second chorus sorry, trying to fix it
 

Attachments

  • Vanish demo.mp3
    6.9 MB · Views: 50
  • Vanish demo.mp3
    6.9 MB · Views: 35
Last edited:
The main problems I can see:

*Hard to identify a repeating chord structure... doesn't matter what genre you're in , this is essential for people to understand the flow of the music.
*Lacks a recognizable leading melody
*mixing and mastering aren't there yet.

My advice is to start with 4 chords, a simple guitar riff, and work your way up from there. focus more on loops and repeating segments. Don't worry about mixnig and mastering/vocal treatment at first, structure is the most important part i think.
 
The main problems I can see:

*Hard to identify a repeating chord structure... doesn't matter what genre you're in , this is essential for people to understand the flow of the music.
*Lacks a recognizable leading melody
*mixing and mastering aren't there yet.

My advice is to start with 4 chords, a simple guitar riff, and work your way up from there. focus more on loops and repeating segments. Don't worry about mixnig and mastering/vocal treatment at first, structure is the most important part i think.


Sorry man we have different philosophies when it comes to writing music, no offence and i'm not trying to imply I don't take advice, your feedback is actually really interesting but I was just asking if you felt anything in terms of a connection to the track, it's clear you didn't. I already stated the mixing wasn't there yet so I'm not sure why you re-stated it.

I'll be honest "lacks a recognizable lead melody" kind of confused me a little. This isn't a pop song. it's meant for a couple of listens. I purposely put in only 2 chorus's in most of my songs, I hate the way most modern songs are overwritten, stretch out too far and repeat themselves too much. I get it regarding "loops and repeating segments" I really do, but when you listen to it a few times you'll realize the part's are connect to each other in a few ways you may not realize on first listen. :)


Sorry if I'm coming across as stubborn, I'm genuinely interested in your reply. Perhaps my approach is going to be unsuccesful but it's hard not to write music the same way you like to listen to it. Here's an idea. Listen to it 5 times in a row. Then tell me what you think. (i realize that's an ask, and you probably won't lol which is fine)
 
Based on your response though I am definitely considering repeating the first verse before the bridge. :)
 
What do you consider good music? for example, what bands or artists inspire you?

it's clear that you've learned the tools, and you have some good understanding.

My no.1 advice: Try to recreate the sound of a band or artist you absolutely love. You will get something from it along the way, that will improve your original pieces.

The trick to originality is to steal ideas from so many places, that nobody can even tell where the ideas come from anymore. When you're starting out for the first time, that idea can seem like it won't create something cool or unique... however that's not true. You yourself are unique... but you have a mother and a father. Your brothers and sisters are unique but they have the same mother and father. It's the same ingredients, different mix.
 
Weird I submitted a reply and it's gone, anyway, I'll have to shorten it now, I agree with all those philosophies.
Anyway for me music is shockingly objective in it's enjoyment, some will connect some won't no matter how bad someone
else might think something is. Though there are outliers this would generally be the case assuming a level of competence.
That's why I asked if someone "felt" something. That's just how I think. I want to know did you feel something.

Again I'm not avoiding critique, just asking a specific question at a specific time for a specific reason.

The bands I'm influenced by honestly most people won't know them, Rosewater Elizabeth, Coaltar of the Deepers, Sukekiyo, Love Spirals Downwards, the list goes on and on.
I like to keep the listener engaged by a theme rather than by too much repetition, but of course repetition is shockingly important too and like I said you'll notice some patterns
you didn't before with subsequent listens :)
 
I really like this, but I'm into the sort of avant garde sound anyway unlike the commenters before me seemingly. The bassline is really entrancing, and actually the vocals or lack thereof work already (add some long decay reverb and it will sound really sick I think). The only thing I would bring up in the mix a little are the guitar parts. Definitely felt something, although it should obviously needs be refined a little, I'd encourage you to keep going! Can I follow your music on soundcloud or smth? Do you have someplace you post your work?
 
I'm so glad you felt something! Seriously. Interesting idea on the reverb. Definitely constantly working on the mix, I'm going to lay down the final vocals soon, there will be more towards the end.
I do like the guitars to feel a little "lost" in the mix, depends on the track though and they will be cleaned up a little on this one for sure.
I'm glad you like the bass line it's prominence and simplicity was the driving force of this track.
 
You can follow me here, BOX | BOX | Free Listening on SoundCloud

I don't have anything up yet but the floodgates will open soon! So many songs in the works. The single "Vanish" will probably be my first release and should be out within the month!
I hope you'll come on over and enjoy what's coming!
 
The vocals are...weird(?)
It's as if you were recording in your mom's bedroom and was trying not to wake her up.
I like the progressive part of it, where no riffs repeat but just kind are there.
Also, on the clean vocals I'm hearing a Muse vibe, (maybe you're a fan :d) which is cool imo.
But besides the "The overall mix isn't good/Guitar tone needs to fit in with the rest of the instrumentation/Production quality is poor, re record the vox and guitars" I got nothing to say.
 
The vocals are...weird(?)
It's as if you were recording in your mom's bedroom and was trying not to wake her up.
I like the progressive part of it, where no riffs repeat but just kind are there.
Also, on the clean vocals I'm hearing a Muse vibe, (maybe you're a fan :d) which is cool imo.
But besides the "The overall mix isn't good/Guitar tone needs to fit in with the rest of the instrumentation/Production quality is poor, re record the vox and guitars" I got nothing to say.

Appreciate the reply
I actually really dislike MUSE and I'f I'm being honest I don't see where there similarities are that your hearing, no offence.
Personally I find the guitar tone to be to my liking, it's more how it fits in the mix that needs tweaking, could you be more specific?
 
Your vocal melodies have this muse vibe.
Also, no offence taken, I understand taste and I'm not a huge fan of Muse myself.
Like, the guitars get interrupted weirdly in my opinion and lack body, the bass is nice, in some parts it has more harmonics due to distortion and in some parts in doesn't. Check the transition on these parts 'cause it sounds odd when the bass gets distorted and when it gets back to normal.
And the kick disappears A LOT during the song. It has potential, I like the weird vocals.
You really only have to re-record everything more cleanly and tweak the mix.


Also, I kinda dislike when people on forums say shit without ever showing off their stuff on the matter.
I only have a 29 minutes EP in the genre of Metal. More towards Progressive Symphonic Metal (Like some songs from Muryoku P and Hungry Lights however not as dynamic as the latter)
So, yeah, since I don't have a particular track to show off I'll just link my EP to validate my opinions more.

I mean, I got a few metal tracks but I dislike them so they'll never see the day of light ahah.

Also, I have little to no experience mixing vocals in metal. The experience I have is because of the Vocaloid Covers I've done, so, I can't really say "Do this to make your vox sound heavy af" but, I will say, re-record the vocals primarly because at some points you tend to hit the...uh, how do I explain this without images...

So, let's pick a note.
A person's in tune when they hit said note., higher notes are easier to hit (Like falsetto and kids who can sing and women, I HAVE NO IDEA WHY THAT IS but I've had so much experience in my life that lead me to such a conclusion, I really have no idea why so yeah) and once you hit like a lower note your pitch tends to rise hitting the "higher ceiling" of the note making it resonate weirdly "Example at 00:31 secs).

I was gonna say shit about eqing but you got that right so, yeah.

Also the ep's here, don't check it, really, just randomly listen to a few seconds jumping from song to song, Just to see wheter or not you can take my opinions seriously.

DeadOpera - The Grounding [Full EP Stream] /Draft01PossiblyDoneFor by Fobia. | Fobia | Free Listening on SoundCloud
 
Last edited:
Thanks for the detailed reply, totally agree actually, the guitars do lack a bit of body, I definitely diallled back too much bass and am already in the process of upping this a bit thanks!

The distorted bass bit, yeah I'm so used to it now that I don't see it as odd but it probably sounds that way ha. I actually did this on purpose, I'll take your feedback into consideration for sure though.

And again yeah I completely agree on the kick, it's something I'm struggling with as I began this track with a drum loop which I sliced and editing and it's hard to eq the kick separately which is why I'm working on a separate version of the track with a drum track made from scratch but I've been listening to this version for so long it's hard to go back even though it makes sense to. Ah joys of mixing.

Having listened to some of your EP I can actually really see exactly where your opinions come from, I really like how your guitars sound, and I can see you like very prominent synths, so i can see why you'd say for me to re-mix mine, personally I prefer it more in the background but I am working on sitting a bit better in the mix. Thanks again
 
Yeah, no worries, man!

I'm looking forward to hear your next result c:

I wouldn't mind if you sent the next draft of the song to me via email (I've sent it to you via Private Message)

Also, if you need anything, any help, opinion, any whatever feel free to contant me via email, mate. I'd be glad to help you with whatever you might need help with. c:
 
Back
Top