I think you could bring the high end out more in the strings, it would brighten it up a lot and make it more prominent in the mix. Love the flow of the snares throughout combined with the snare roll. However the 808 is mixed well and is very clean and brings a good vibe to the beat, love it
I love the vocal element but there are a few elements tha kind of go on too long and it is a bit repetitive but I thing you are on to something!! maybe a fuller mix and some additional parts and you got a hit yo!!
That dark choir is definitely awesome sounding. Pretty epic sound to this. Modern war movie like 300 could used this. I agree that the lower frequencies sound a bit muddied. Adding some higher horns or trumpets could be really dope.