I like the musical concept you have going here but feel like you need to work on execution. I am still getting there with this stuff myself but I can hear as a listener that you need to introduce more variation and structure into the track, it's very flat at the moment. It also felt like a note might have been out of key somewhere when the choir suddenly jumps to a higher frequency briefly, that didn't work for me. The synth melody was good and the break with the little pause was cool, there's definitely some good ingredients here. Listened to on headphones