Hey, quick introduction, my name is Moe, 16. I've always had a massive interest in Hip Hop since I can remember, but recently I have decided I'm going to dedicate my time to writing music, ultimately I want to release rap songs but for now I'm going to concentrate on lyricism before learning how to produce. My interest is more in the underground and old school side of Hip Hop. Anyway, I'm going to start frequently using this forum for feedback off the experienced. This is a song I started writing up last night, inspired by story-telling raps such as Dance With The Devil.
Jenny
A little girl was born
and the week that she opened her eyes she was moved to a care home
her mom had died giving birth and her dad was shot in the head during war
it's unusual for a girl to be born in the hospital all alone
but there she was a little girl that today goes by the name of Jenny Jones
Jenny was now 16 living in care unamused
she told me stories about her countless abuse
how her carer used to come home smelling of booze
how he'd sniff her neck during sexual abuse sick
heartbreaking stories about how you lose
your virginity at the young age of just two
tears rolled down her eyes when I heard these stories
how he used to celebrate her screams as if it was glory
how she'd wish for the day that he'd never get horny
describing him as a blonde male in his early 40s
that he had no facial hair and that he was scrawny
he was pretty much typical and that's what scares me
how the scary are harmless and the harmless are scary
all these illusions make you believe what being scared means
but when the happiest day turns into the worst dream
you hit reality and then you wake up thirsty
because one day
A little girl was born
and the week that she opened her eyes she was moved to a care home
her mom had died giving birth and her dad was shot in the head during war
it's unusual for a girl to be born in the hospital all alone
but there she was a little girl that today goes by the name of Jenny Jones
Paranoia anxiety depression
all this and more had now started to develop
feeling all alone with a lack of expression
naked of all trust and remembrance of affection
she tried to eliminate all thoughts of neglection
but she was practically dead like Jesus before his resurrection
I'll continue and update this thread everytime I add lyrics, I tend to be stuck in a bad habit of writing good lyrics but then not being able to find the correct beat that goes with them, and if I try to work with the beat my lyrics seem to be lacking quality, any advice from you guys? I'd appreciate feedback and tips, I'll be interacting and hopefully soon learn how to produce my own music.
Edit:
This particular rap is going to have a sick storyline and then a really ****ed up/twisted ending that will shock the person listening, if you have heard Dance With The Devil then you'll understand what I'm trying to do. I have a lot of verses from just starting a song, losing the flow then seperating the verses into seperate bits, so I'm still developing on consistency.
Jenny
A little girl was born
and the week that she opened her eyes she was moved to a care home
her mom had died giving birth and her dad was shot in the head during war
it's unusual for a girl to be born in the hospital all alone
but there she was a little girl that today goes by the name of Jenny Jones
Jenny was now 16 living in care unamused
she told me stories about her countless abuse
how her carer used to come home smelling of booze
how he'd sniff her neck during sexual abuse sick
heartbreaking stories about how you lose
your virginity at the young age of just two
tears rolled down her eyes when I heard these stories
how he used to celebrate her screams as if it was glory
how she'd wish for the day that he'd never get horny
describing him as a blonde male in his early 40s
that he had no facial hair and that he was scrawny
he was pretty much typical and that's what scares me
how the scary are harmless and the harmless are scary
all these illusions make you believe what being scared means
but when the happiest day turns into the worst dream
you hit reality and then you wake up thirsty
because one day
A little girl was born
and the week that she opened her eyes she was moved to a care home
her mom had died giving birth and her dad was shot in the head during war
it's unusual for a girl to be born in the hospital all alone
but there she was a little girl that today goes by the name of Jenny Jones
Paranoia anxiety depression
all this and more had now started to develop
feeling all alone with a lack of expression
naked of all trust and remembrance of affection
she tried to eliminate all thoughts of neglection
but she was practically dead like Jesus before his resurrection
I'll continue and update this thread everytime I add lyrics, I tend to be stuck in a bad habit of writing good lyrics but then not being able to find the correct beat that goes with them, and if I try to work with the beat my lyrics seem to be lacking quality, any advice from you guys? I'd appreciate feedback and tips, I'll be interacting and hopefully soon learn how to produce my own music.
Edit:
This particular rap is going to have a sick storyline and then a really ****ed up/twisted ending that will shock the person listening, if you have heard Dance With The Devil then you'll understand what I'm trying to do. I have a lot of verses from just starting a song, losing the flow then seperating the verses into seperate bits, so I'm still developing on consistency.
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