Need y'all opinions on these verses?

[jdweathers]

I dont actually rap, i just love music and love writing, but i imagine these verses have a tyga kinda flow to them:




As soon as you dont care, il stop caring/
Then you will be hurt and il start reparing/
As soon as the *****in paint dries I'll stop swearin/
im not a witness to the bullshit*you think you hearing

All my efforts are wasted/
The nice things i said are now debated/*
Why care*if the feelings are just dated/
id rather NOT be cared for, rather be hated/

Why try, why try and hope shes trying too?
*Why wait, and wait for her to pull me through?*
Why wonder, and wonder without a single clue?
*I know now, i know that even though its out of the blue...im done with you.*

Neglection is a feeling that im sick of/
I have detection of a delusional ****er im sick of/
*Inspection isnt needed this ***** im sick of/
Infection this girl is a girl im sick from/*
Reflection, does she see the ***** i see that im sick of?
*No she's flexin she's thinking she's the girl i dream of, but ***** im sick of...you.*

[mdub25624]

Its alright

[Lord Lav]

Standard rule of lyricism is don't tell me. SHOW ME! Paint the picture with your lyrics. Tell me how you feel about this with your descriptions. Obviously I'm just going based on your written lyrics. I might have a different perspective if I hear the lyrics in real time....

[Dee Chamberz]

Can't be too good if it's Tyga style

hahah just joking

With a smooth flow and nice beat it could be cool not really lyrically deep or great wordplay but it's ok