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Thread: The Motto Freeverse

  1. #1
    Cassell's Avatar
    Cassell is offline Registered User
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    The Motto Freeverse

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    Havent been able to get this damn beat out of my head the past couple days, so I wrote some bars for it.

    - You don't like my swag, sorry bout your luck
    - Im blowing up like a afghani tour bus
    - Keep it so fresh, so clean, Im a Outcast
    - You tried to keep me down, but I bounced back
    - The shoes clean, jeans lean, **** the beef rap
    - No track record but Im sinking my cleats in this track
    - You got the keys to success, ***** where the keys at
    - My money gone missing like a chinese cat
    - I keep it real, whats the deal? How you feel?
    - Place your wagers in now, Cass a real steal
    - Odds are against till I earn the crowds respect
    - But if he pulls the upset the payout will be Mills
    - If that don't change your mind, you must be blind
    - It don't take rocket science to realize
    - **** all the haters, and the people that doubted me
    - You frowned at me then, now Im a hot commodity
    Last edited by Cassell; 01-24-2012 at 10:44 AM.
    Twitter ~ @CassellEighty5

  2. #2
    _SG_'s Avatar
    _SG_ is offline It's All In The Beat
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    The verse strikes me as simple, but I dont necessarily think that's bad. Complicated rhyming structures may sound more impressive to most, but that doesn't mean they're of more value.

    I'm more interested in the actual content of the verse. I like the cleats line, I think that's clever, you're onto something with that. I will say that I just don't find the rest too interesting, I don't personally see much personality in it, even if you want to boast a bit (which I think can be done in an exciting way) maybe you could try to include some personal feelings, it seems to me in this track that your viewpoint is you're a force to be reckoned with, you're boasting a bit right? Well then make the audience respect you with something more unique, don't be afraid to go out your comfort zone. With that said, above all else express what you feel. I hope this doesn't come off as harsh, hopefully you'll find something helpful in this reply, keep writing!
    Who what where now?

  3. #3
    Cassell's Avatar
    Cassell is offline Registered User
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    Thanks for the comment bro!
    Twitter ~ @CassellEighty5

  4. #4
    blaze4president is offline Registered User
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    I feel like its simple too . The simpler the flow , cadence , the more exciting you bars have to be . Keep working .

  5. #5
    Cool G Thermopolis's Avatar
    Cool G Thermopolis is offline Registered User
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    not cohesive for keystyle rapping

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