Lyrical Critique please

V

vagrantsoul_22

New member
Returnin to the mic after 12 years; an ma fingers still burning/
Everytime I grip the pencil utensil,between my thumb an forefinger//
Im speakin between the lines.../
suffering from a winter, cardiac condition//
Been, on the fates' sisters shit list since my adolescence when//
I first blazed the mic, wit content so deep they caught the bends//
problem is..I was born with internal sentiment//
large heart, short fuse, musta been viewed as angelic//
>now large marge horrible, rippin rappers/
least the cats got you tube to their credit//
 
I think its cool. sparked me a little. even though I don't prefer "that" style of listening. Still had something to say in an enjoyable poetic way. great job.
 
Its very creative, only problem is... No one know what your talking about... Your not painting the listener a picture... You know what your talking about or what your saying, but I have no idea... I cant relate to it because I dont know what it means. Drag the listener in by painting a picture, make sure I know what your talking about, thats how you make hits my man. Good luck, hope this helped.
 
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