Give Constructive Criticism

**Optimo** · 10-01-2003

Here goes nothing...

WOKE UP! Saturday MORNING,YARNING,
conscience gave a WARNING, somebody was in my DORMENT, intentions was out to HARM ME, decisions has got me WANTING, nothing but to leave him in TORMENT, my rage is starting to STORMING, my pistol ready and POINTED, I headed around the CORNER, to see his shadow just RUNNING, I constantly started GUNNING, about 30 bullets he STUMBLED, bout 20 more when I CAUGHT HIM, some bummy drunk ALCOHOLIC, was paid to try and come ROB ME, but he done caught him a PROBLEM, he didnt know my rifles ASSAULTED, banana clips on the BOTTOM, but better known as a CHOPPA, that cut him up like BARAKA, more incisions made than a DOCTOR, no where in me was I feeling SORRY, cause he should of entered with CAUTION, so I walked off and fixed me some COFFEE.....

what do yall think??

**kenworth** · 10-02-2003

i think you should either not rap about a subject like that or change the style that you do it.,i cant think how to decribe it......,ok it makes you sound like a mentalist.,some of the rhymes are quite off but maybe it just cause its in text so i cant hear..some of the words you have used dont mean thye things you think they do.,keep goin tho.,