first verse need some feedback :)

**charlie morgan** · 06-20-2012

this the beat - Nice beat with hook (FREE DOWNLOAD) - YouTube
f*** life f*** love
ive had enough
ive been through hard times and its f***ed me up
so im done for good
and thats my word
loves f***ing poison all you do is get hurt
and whats even worse ?
the tears dont dry
theres a hole in my heart and a river in my eyes
but i still dont cry
my tears arent worth your lies
your lucky your still breathing
i treated you right so why i catch you cheating ?
you left my heart bleeding
and you say its my fault thats the reason that your leaving....

---------- Post added at 09:23 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:09 PM ----------

any feedback ?

---------- Post added 06-20-2012 at 09:03 AM ---------- Previous post was 06-19-2012 at 09:23 PM ----------

any feeddback ?

**JD101** · 06-20-2012

Not bad, Keep working at it, work on some multies ect... I wrote one called "Trusting You" its the same topic as yours, i'll post it tomorrow seems iv already posted lyrics today..

Stay up

JD

**onenighters** · 06-20-2012

sick check out some of onenighters

**charlie morgan** · 06-20-2012

i dont get multi slybales how u do them ?

**Bewilderment** · 06-20-2012

Not bad for first verse, my favorite was the hole in my heart and river in my eyes.

**eXtacy** · 06-20-2012

multis are just rhymes using more than one syllable/ you can use them a lot or go more miniscule/ but rap isnt-rules not in-the-schools/ but its more wave patterns like swimming-pools

henessey memories will kill me eventually/ but **** it stay drunk indefinately

just quick examples, def not a good rap, but it does show how staying complex will only dress up your music, also above are some minor internal rhyming schemes, which are also always good to use, mix it up and have fun thats really the most important part