This is my first verse that I'm somewhat happy with. It's not a full 16 but it's a start. I value your criticism more than my own so please leave any feedback and it will be returned.
Peace and thanks.
High eyes they seem to disguise the
Once dry eyes of the kid that just cries
'Cause he realized all this shit is just lies
But he's got something to say and that for which he would die
Reality is never, really all that it seems
Nor is the shit that you find in dreams and movie-scenes
If you pierce the veil you'll find a green-screen
Onto which they project the truth that's so obscene
Sometimes I wonder how it is that we tend
To always pretend, that war's a justified a means to an end
Considering how much on this shit it is that we spend
And at the end of the day what are we trying to defend