Cranium Exercise! Dr. Suess N E 1?

[Lyrikill]

Are you ready for some 'lyric' olympics?
Let's get very discriptive.
Fresh lines, without having everything scripted/
Let's shine, and see who can deliver the quick s**t/
This time, we'll seperate winners from misfits/
A full course dinner from, tea and biscuits/
Okay kids? Let's get started with this s**t.
The first event to attend, is phrase gymnastics/
Take the phrases that you say, and make 'em do backflips/
Practice makes perfect, so per-fect' your practice/
Like a physician has to, learn the basics/
But I'm not a Doctor, so I don't have patience (patients)/
I own my own home, I don't have to pay rent.
Face it, open your eyes up like Lasik/
If you're an advasary then,
you will be facing/
Elimination like your racing
Usain Bolt in Beijing/
My flow is so-so, and not amazing/
But I keep it real, and don't deal with fake things.
I can see,
there are many,
I.N.G.'s,
in what I'm penning,
and writing.
Not much of a freestyle, if I'm typing.
But if I'm rhyming,
all my words are in bold.
It's the, lyric olympics and I'm going for gold/
I wear lyrics for clothes, and I'm, sewing up holes/
That's been left in the game by, so many foes/
who are preventing the growth
of hip hop,
they're like, a thorn to a rose,
Pricks! That make me bleed,
The whole industry today, caters to pre-teens.
Supreme beings,
that control the main stream/
Control all your thoughts, beliefs, and day dreams/
And trample them/
I apologize for my rambling/
My freestyle got out of hand,
That's what's happening/
But that's what happens when/
you get sidetracked,
lose focus,
then come back again.
I noticed, that since I, strayed with my speech/
I might be getting silver cause the gold is out of reach.
I'm intending,
To read all the posts that you sending/
I'm choking on these last few lines, like New England/
got robbed,
in the last minute, they got stopped.
I'm typing a flow on producers .com/
Before I get even more corny, I'll stop!

Lol!! Lyrikill inna de place!

[lovenara]

i think it's good,like you invest your time on lyric writing ,not just a kid that hey i can be rich if i just grab a pen and write whatever...
Have you got music to it?
L

[Lyrikill]

No music to it dawg. I just wrote it off the top of my head, right before I went to bed, and I must say, I like your compliment. Thanks for da feedbeck, that you stated. I really need that, to be creative. It's the only thing no one can take from me, too bad it's just a hobby and I don't make any money.

[eXtacy]

this was average, decent rhyming, good flow, you did lose it at the end

I'm typing a flow on producers .com/
^^duhh, we know that
Before I get even more corny, I'll stop!
^^true, but if you were trying to get a laugh you wont get it that way


But I'm not a Doctor, so I don't have patience (patients)/
^^pretty good wordplay in that line

i give the piece altogether a 7/10

[Lyrikill]

Thanks. I just fell apart at the end. Couldn't really think of how to end it. The doctor line was my fav. part too. 7/10 from you is very high, so thanks, I'll try not get carried away towards the end. Maybe I can squeeze a 8/10 from you one day : )

I have a bad habit,
of playing John Madden
09
staring at my plasma tv,
I'll go blind.
6-13 , man what a slump/
and all I have to show is these cramps in my thumbs/
On my Ps3, I be, beating bums/
And then get defeated by some, cheating chumps.
Well, I hope thats the reason/
why I have a losing record and it's still the preseason.
On the turf, and on the grass/
I lost 8 games on a last second pass!!
Dammit! I'm vexed!
I'm angry, and cross, like I am the letter 'X'.
Distrought and distressed, an old Madden high roller/
now I wanna hang myself with my wireless controller.
Should I even mention,
how this tension is leading to a, lack of attention?
My wife said I'm lacking affection,
"if you're gonna sleep with Madden, then use some protection!"
Now I'm really buggin'/
No video game could make me pass up some loving,
hugging, kissing, rubbing, and such/
I'm 6 and 13, that just means that I suck,
but it's alright,
I got a life, AND a wife,
and thats whats up!
I think it's a shame, and I think you're a geek/
If you played over a hundred games, in just two freakin weeks.
So if you happen to be one of those whom I speak,
and feel proud to hand me yet another defeat,
I might come across to you as impolite, but/
get a job,
get a girl,
and get a life!!!!!


-signed.. Lyrikill ( madden screen name: beenie1 )

[eXtacy]

alright, you get bonus points for talkin about madden, the flow was really nice( if i was readin it the way you would)

rhyming could get better, but it wasnt too bad

there were a few uses of good wordplay

id say "if your gonna sleep with madden, use some f*cking protection"

it adds emphasis, like shed be saying that in a jelous way

7/10 though

[Lyrikill]

Dammit! I'll have to try again!! I like the challenge. I'm gonna write something that'll blow you away soon. you'll see. Check out my myspace account I just opened yesterday. So far I just got two of my songs up there. Of anyone's opinion, I want yours. The lyrics are posted on one of them. My URL is
http://www.myspace.com/lyrikillindaplace
I don't know why I'm listed as female ( don't laugh ) I'm trying to fix it. The songs are called 'Rainy Day' and 'Watch Me'. Rainy Day has the lyrics posted.