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Thread: can i get a reveiw in this verse ?

  1. #1
    conzcept is offline Registered User
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    can i get a reveiw in this verse ?

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    its for not afraid by emineim



    not afraid grippin blades who the hell wants it
    got grenades goin insane with the demons that haunt him
    but i can perservere without fear and pop a clip in
    the end is near on your career and my dudes/goons aint missin
    its hard on me to be something and just sit and wait
    while these ******* cant spit for shit but are still countin cake
    for goodness sakes give me a break they have no talent
    while i put my emotions that im holdin but theirs aint nothin damit
    now you know i aint never been one to follow
    cuz no ones usin their head aint talkin bout sleepy hollow
    just remember you aint never guarnteed a tomarrow
    its just a fact that can be really hard to swallow
    but you keep calm and just keep your place
    cuz you might go psyco callem norman bates
    like alot of these dudes swearin that they pimpin
    but they choke the chicken more than homer chokes bart simpson
    like you need to just close your eyes and just listen
    and dont underestimate the white boy thats spittin
    cuz its not about race when i embrace the mic
    even thou some dont beleive me ima end it tonight

    chorus

  2. #2
    Flonominal is offline Chris Parks
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    The good: you kept the same general topic throughout the verse, didn't except it.
    The bad: Your rap was too simple. I've seen/heard rappers have this same topic a million times...you didn't really innovate or put a creative spin on it at all and thus it's not so entertaining.
    Flow was slightly off at some points,you should tighten that up. And make your rhyme schemes more complex than always 1 or 2 syllables. Step it up and use 3 or 4 syllables, internal rhyming, variation, etc. Also use metaphor, simile, or other literary devices to get your point across.

  3. #3
    BattleToads is offline Registered User
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    Whiny. Hating on people doing it better than you. You'll never be on the one's you hate's caliber if you just ***** and moan. Try and be more creative, thought provoking...the whole knife's, clips, shit is lame...and get an original beat. Eminem isn't relevant anymore.

  4. #4
    FUNKNSTIEN's Avatar
    FUNKNSTIEN is offline Gone Ape Music
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  5. #5
    acoosticzoo is offline Registered User
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    I don't know, Have to hear it, got a link?
    Josef Horhay
    Mixing Engineer
    www.acoosticzoo.com

  6. #6
    conzcept is offline Registered User
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    [/COLOR]like do i have the link for the song ? i didnt record it yet and apparantly i shouldnt from these reveiws lol

    ---------- Post added at 12:50 AM ---------- Previous post was at 12:47 AM ----------

    Quote Originally Posted by Flonominal View Post
    The good: you kept the same general topic throughout the verse, didn't except it.
    The bad: Your rap was too simple. I've seen/heard rappers have this same topic a million times...you didn't really innovate or put a creative spin on it at all and thus it's not so entertaining.
    Flow was slightly off at some points,you should tighten that up. And make your rhyme schemes more complex than always 1 or 2 syllables. Step it up and use 3 or 4 syllables, internal rhyming, variation, etc. Also use metaphor, simile, or other literary devices to get your point across.
    thanks for actuallt giving me advice lol i think i have a little bit of potential but idk haha
    Last edited by conzcept; 07-09-2010 at 08:56 PM.

  7. #7
    acoosticzoo is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by conzcept View Post
    [/COLOR]like do i have the link for the song ? i didnt record it yet and apparantly i shouldnt from these reveiws lol
    nah, please give it go. Words on paper alone has it's own merits, however, it really takes on an added dimension when it's performed/sung.

  8. #8
    _SG_'s Avatar
    _SG_ is offline It's All In The Beat
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    It seems like you have a good grasp of how to keep on rhythm, and it's alot better then others I've seen if you're a beginner.

    I do have to agree about the subject matter though, don't get me wrong, I've done plenty of the same in the past, and every now and then no one is immune to getting a bit egotistical and boasting, but at least try to write about some other subject matters, doesn't even necessarily have to be innovative, just what you really feel in your heart, what really bugs you, or what really makes you happy. Inject some true opinion/commentary into your verses, give it some personality.

    Also I agree with the recording thing, once you record a verse, it also adds a whole other dimension to it and it's important to at least practice recording even if you dont plan to release or just delete afterwards.
    Who what where now?

  9. #9
    BIGpun4EVER's Avatar
    BIGpun4EVER is offline Registered User
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    "dont underestimate the white boy" thats a bad decision

    lil twist at the end

    you can always write watever it is thats on your mind, and it might be garbage at first but you can keep revising it over and over till its perfect and its exactly wat you want. make every line count

  10. #10
    mrbeatznyc's Avatar
    mrbeatznyc is offline Registered User
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    Truthfully...I'd say you need to keep writing a lot and try to be more creative with the structure of your rhymes. Don't just rhyme the last word of every bar. Try to FLIP what you're saying in a sick way. Also, talking about grippin blades, grenades and poppin a clip in is very unnecessary. Be YOU and work on creating a rhyme style that stands out. Creativity is the key...but keep it up man!

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