What do you think of my lyrics?

Hey ADGE,

how are things? Just checked out your video. First of all: Great, great video and very nice production! Absolutely love it. And musically speaking, it works fine for me.
Lyrically speaking though (and that was your question), I have a couple of points to make:

It sounds a lot like you wrote the lyrics independently from the music. To me, it doesn't feel like music & lyrics are glueing yet. It seems there is too much text.
It would be stronger if you would've picked just 8 lines or so and used more repetition. Especially in music like this, which normally isn't very lyrical to start with,
you would play it safer by being simple, but groovy. Not saying it's unfixable, in fact I think there's some nice parts here and there, but to me it feels like you're
rushing too much from one idea to the next lyrically.

Listening to just the music it feels like this could've been a great song, just don't really like the lyrics/what the melody is doing with them. It appears to me as though
less text, more space would've made this a more relaxed listen and ultimately a more "chill" song. Now it seems out of breath and jumpy.

But again, the music is totally fine. Would've loved to work with you on those vocals until they're perfect. :)
 
Hey there!
Thank you so much for taking the time to listen and leave such a detailed response...it's greatly appreciated!
I actually wrote the lyrics based on the music. Though you're right about there being too much text and not enough repetition... I suppose that's something that I overlooked.
It's easy to get caught up in writing something that makes sense, that 'means' something and you can sometimes forget that, often, the best songs are the 'simplest' ones.

Thank you making me look at it from this point of view.

I will definitely come to you for future advice!

:-)
 
Glad I could help! This "meaning vs simplicity" discussion I have quite often with songwriters. ;)
I think a good song has a mix of both. Your song already has the meaning, now try to figure out
how to boil all these lines down to 8. Which lines can go?

As an example, take James Blake's Limit To Your Love. Very few lines, but strong emotion and
lots of fun to be had interpreting :)
 
hey dude, this track is crazy. great video btw. I agree with HolisticSongwriting about the lyrics needing more space, in saying that i think the main hook is pretty well done. Goes well, i think the space needs to be made more within the verses. i still really like the track regardless.
 
I don't know why people say you have too many words in that song. On Taylor Swift's scale you like Clint Eastwood.

Great job from start to finish

If you produced the music to that song.

How about a collab on a female R&B Albu.?
 
I don't know why people say you have too many words in that song. On Taylor Swift's scale you like Clint Eastwood.

Great job from start to finish

If you produced the music to that song.

How about a collab on a female R&B Albu.?

Thanks for the comments.
Yes, I produced the music.
I'd be interested to know more details... get in touch via private!
 
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