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Thread: What do you think of my lyrics?

  1. #1
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    What do you think of my lyrics?

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    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qgc39LzES3g

    Be interested to know what you think about the lyrics.

    Thank you!

  2. #2
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    Hey ADGE,

    how are things? Just checked out your video. First of all: Great, great video and very nice production! Absolutely love it. And musically speaking, it works fine for me.
    Lyrically speaking though (and that was your question), I have a couple of points to make:

    It sounds a lot like you wrote the lyrics independently from the music. To me, it doesn't feel like music & lyrics are glueing yet. It seems there is too much text.
    It would be stronger if you would've picked just 8 lines or so and used more repetition. Especially in music like this, which normally isn't very lyrical to start with,
    you would play it safer by being simple, but groovy. Not saying it's unfixable, in fact I think there's some nice parts here and there, but to me it feels like you're
    rushing too much from one idea to the next lyrically.

    Listening to just the music it feels like this could've been a great song, just don't really like the lyrics/what the melody is doing with them. It appears to me as though
    less text, more space would've made this a more relaxed listen and ultimately a more "chill" song. Now it seems out of breath and jumpy.

    But again, the music is totally fine. Would've loved to work with you on those vocals until they're perfect.

  3. #3
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    Hey there!
    Thank you so much for taking the time to listen and leave such a detailed response...it's greatly appreciated!
    I actually wrote the lyrics based on the music. Though you're right about there being too much text and not enough repetition... I suppose that's something that I overlooked.
    It's easy to get caught up in writing something that makes sense, that 'means' something and you can sometimes forget that, often, the best songs are the 'simplest' ones.

    Thank you making me look at it from this point of view.

    I will definitely come to you for future advice!

    :-)

  4. #4
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    Glad I could help! This "meaning vs simplicity" discussion I have quite often with songwriters.
    I think a good song has a mix of both. Your song already has the meaning, now try to figure out
    how to boil all these lines down to 8. Which lines can go?

    As an example, take James Blake's Limit To Your Love. Very few lines, but strong emotion and
    lots of fun to be had interpreting

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  6. #5
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    This is a very dope track and huge production ! I think there are not enough views for a track like this, for real.
    Download your free beat and get tons of useful tips directly in your inbox everyweek => www.starseedbeats.com

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  8. #6
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    I really appreciate your comments, thank you so much!
    If you like it, share it man :-)

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    hey dude, this track is crazy. great video btw. I agree with HolisticSongwriting about the lyrics needing more space, in saying that i think the main hook is pretty well done. Goes well, i think the space needs to be made more within the verses. i still really like the track regardless.

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  11. #8
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    You got some talent, definitely.

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  13. #9
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    Awesome Video & Great Lyrics.

    Just That Only Limit is Sky & Only Limit is Mind Those Lines are Too Old & Not Fitting With The Song.

    Otherwise Awesome.

    If you can make a video I've my song which is story based. But I don't have proper funding. Especially no models & cars. (Story is about a girl so)

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  15. #10
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    Thanks for the comments, what do you mean by 'too old'?

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