a verse to song i wrote... yall can let me know what yall think

B

bass-sickz

New member
ask about this guy
who's in da street like lancers
a problem wit no answers
cant subtract nor divde
yet so positive wit pies
which one dont matter
coke or brods they add up
b4 hour glass is shatterd
always into music since a baby,bare
now my astro plane write lyrics,in air
fuled of henny
yet it blow purple smoke
please dont offended me
gun smoke gun smoke
like notorious
i bring heavy ****
2 clog "told its'"
nigga folded took his paper
luv these dead dudes
reason i labor producing g's
got me feelin safer
 
not bad, lots of multies, but very played out words and not 1 good punch line or analogies, check the threrad "so much talent...lets cypher" and go to the last page and read mine, i got lots of mulities,punches, and analogys.

also the way you write is not correct, like you put 1 line on 2 different ones that could of been on the same line, unless u rap realllllllyy slow
 
Gutty502 said:
not bad, lots of multies, but very played out words and not 1 good punch line or analogies, check the threrad "so much talent...lets cypher" and go to the last page and read mine, i got lots of mulities,punches, and analogys.

also the way you write is not correct, like you put 1 line on 2 different ones that could of been on the same line, unless u rap realllllllyy slow
Click to expand...

yes bro, whats a multi and punch in mcing terms?

nice floe on the other cypher btw

peace
 
yo thanks for the positive feed back on mine.

Multies are... well like in my line smell it the phunkadelik inhale it, and then follow over with more things in the next line that rhymes with stuff from the previous line (dam its really hard to explain this)

and then punch lines are like...
open up my verbal pc, not easy to delete me,
im worse then nextel or sprint, you cannot reach me,

so basically a punch line is a comparison that relates something to something else in a crazy way. Like when i said open up my verbal pc im "comparring" my words to a pc and then use pc terms to realte it even more, and the saying "im like" nextel or sprint, thats another comparisson
 
"a verse to a song i wrote...yall can let me know what yall think"

"this was just something i thought up it wasnt a verse i was just havin fun"


Hmmmmmmmm
 
on the real though heres a verse

now dont get me wrong im captivated by ya converstation
mental stimulation the way that we relating but ya 2 to fine
i see ya head 2 da sky swicthin postions im hittin it from behind
couldnt help 2 fantasize bout them thick thighs
what can i say the hennesy took me by surprise
see da game vicious when a chick intriges me
nochalant when she 2 easy and u got me on point
like a knife or sharp shooter so im inlisting the help
of ron kells or luther knowing they gonna help make it all legit
to get my point across just cut the bulls***
 
umm, not to good, not enough multies and a lot of ur lins didnt rhyme.
You need a lot of improvement unless ur delivery on the mic is that good, then u could get away with those lyrics
 
na they rhyme but i just write...like everyone knows how their rhyme is suppose 2 sound but i dont write da "conventional way" i guess u can say... but u sound like u a jeru/underground type dude
 
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