Verse I Recorded yesterday...feedback puhleease!

E

eightysix

New member
My boy and I were writing a track about the different cities we've lived in. I had (1) Los Angeles and (2) Sacramento.

[LA]
City that never wakes up from the haze
Open up the front page and the city's ablaze
From the fake plastic drastically sellin' they souls
They'd trade box office profits for callin' heaven their home
It's unknown and I really can't figure it
It's written on the walls but the kids are illiterate
No hope for them cuz nothing's really changin'
It's amazin cuz they the only ones courageous

[Sac]
City that never sleeps cuz it's on a meth trip
City where the Kings rule, got us in a death grip
Those who don't know say we're from the bay
Some of us would even claim it cuz our city's decayed
With played out scenes galore -
Cats thinkin' they cool rockin' what was cool a year before
But still these streets fill me with a sense of pride
My family lives here so here my heart resides



[and then we dropped the outkast sample "I heard it's not where you from but where you pay rent.." from ATLiens]

Please let me know what you think...

Thanks for reading...
 
I liked the LA one. I just don't think the last line of it was strong enough. You should expand on it.

"It's unknown and I really can't figure it
It's written on the walls but the kids are illiterate"
I like that ;)
 
edit: whoops, double post.
 
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your just describin the city, talk about yourself when you lived there

listen to biggie, hes amazing at talkin about where hes from
 
good lookin' on the feed. i'll post the audio when i have time to upload it to soundclick or wherever...

the verse was just an exercise. me and my boy gave each other a time limit to come up with our verses. the concept was simple: talk about the cities where you've lived. we would have gone more in depth if we wanted to. my goal was to be an observer and stay on the surface.

more feedback's definitely welcome. peace.
 
Here's the audio...let me know what you think...beat quality, recording quality, flow...all of that. My boy's verse (the second one) is on some serious political isht. I realize the verse tracks might be kinda quiet, but that could easily be fixed.

Keep in mind this was just an exercise. We don't take ourselves too seriously as mc's.

Thanks y'all...
 
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hey man i was really feeling that... just use a better mic!! need better sounding (quality wise) vocals!!
 
thanks for all the feedback y'all..

i recorded with a shure sm58, so it's decent enough for the job. i've just never mixed before, so i can mess with it and make the vocals stand out a bit more. i've tracked it all out and i'm mixing in adobe audition. any suggestions on what to do to make the vocals pop a bit more, besides just adding more db's?

thanks again...
 
To be honest.. i think both verses we're dope, but it should've been a third verse to tie everything in.
 
Beats could use some work but keep it moving... hit my mssg if ya need any to practice with..
 
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