sad song i wrote for one of my beats.

[Glitchy]

bear with me only second time writin and i think theres been some improvement to my first thanks to some good feed, anyways.

shits hard now in your life/
every choice leadin into conflict and strife/
they say a new day is a fresh start/
but thats tommorow and right now im surrounded by sorrow/
i ain't tryin to make a cliche sad song/
they've been raped so much i think the art is gone/
but im geniually upset right now/
and this is just a way to express my thoughts and allow,
me to take my mind of things that are keepin me down/
cause im sick of these thoughts spirling nd goin round/
theres heaps of reasons im feelin like this/
but im writin a song and not a novel so don't amiss/
im sure you can tell what im spitting is true/
and im sure youve been in this situation and know,
what it is that im going through/
this verse is almost done and i ain't expecting anything/
hope my words chill you out and go with the string(s)/
and lift your spirit like yaminng/

listen up now, times are hard for everyone/
giving up prob looks like the easy way out/
i aint perfect ive quit thinkin that it's the only route/
but that only leaves you back at the beginnin/
with your chances on to acomplishing something thinnin/
its been a few lines in now hope it doesn't abate/
and your probably thinking my rhymes aren't that great/
but it doesn't matter long as my flow works at a constant rate/
but music is my bread and hiphop's my butter/
constant harmony, one message no clutter/
feelin a little better thanks for asking/
don't have to lie, can stop masking/
but still have shit loads to get of my chest/
i have to get this distressed feeling compressesd/
gettin it addressed and to do that i have to get my message expressed/


its that part of the song where i gotta show my lyrical delivery/
but right now my lyrics are makin that point contary/
might as well scrunch it up and bury (it)/
still hopin this don't come of cheesy/
cause id be pretty cut if you thought this shit was measly/
and you may think my rhymes are of a grade 2 vocabulary/
so i'll just chuck in a huge random word to prove ya wrong, constabulary/
sorry ive drifted off from the message of this song/
wasn't tryin to change it up don't get me wrong/
but just not feelin like i was the other day/
so before i continue to ramble im just gonna end it here/
so like an ekco im just gonna dissapear/

yeah i know most of the verses don't add up but workin on that just rate what i got atm thanks fam

 

[Patbophat]

While I enjoyed the general concept and alot of the lyrics flowed nicely you have to keep consistent with that. I read the whole thing but imma just take the opening line.

"shits hard now in your life/ 6
every choice leadin into conflict and strife/" 11

The opening lined seems forced to rhyme, While strife does make sense with the bar it seems tacked on at the end. Mainly because the syllable imbalance. The second line is almost double the amount of syllables which may sound like its forced to rhyme thus throwing off the flow.

easy fix, just by lowering or adding syllables to the lines.
they dont have to be perfect but heres an example.

Ex.
"Outta cofidence, shits getting hard in life" 11
every choice leadin into conflict and strife/" 11

Or

""shits hard now for my life/ 6
my harmony is only strife" 7

It flows a little better now. Just a good technique to keep in mind, Songwriters constantly revise to perfect there lyrics.

Anyway Gl and I enjoyed alot of it.

 

[Glitchy]

While I enjoyed the general concept and alot of the lyrics flowed nicely you have to keep consistent with that. I read the whole thing but imma just take the opening line.

"shits hard now in your life/ 6
every choice leadin into conflict and strife/" 11

The opening lined seems forced to rhyme, While strife does make sense with the bar it seems tacked on at the end. Mainly because the syllable imbalance. The second line is almost double the amount of syllables which may sound like its forced to rhyme thus throwing off the flow.

easy fix, just by lowering or adding syllables to the lines.
they dont have to be perfect but heres an example.

Ex.
"Outta cofidence, shits getting hard in life" 11
every choice leadin into conflict and strife/" 11

Or

""shits hard now for my life/ 6
my harmony is only strife" 7

It flows a little better now. Just a good technique to keep in mind, Songwriters constantly revise to perfect there lyrics.

Anyway Gl and I enjoyed alot of it.

Appreciate that a lot man that's some real good advice.