I'm just curious what you think of my style

[Jeru Hendrix]

I'm not sure if my style is conventional... or whether it sucks or not. This is just some shit I'm writing out for the **** of it. It's on beat, the way I spit it. I think it may seem like I'm putting too much focus on rhyming words together but this is supposed to be allegorical. Kind of metaphorical. I just feel as if I may be off base. There is sort of supposed to be a sense of mystery as to what I'm talking about I guess... but at the same time I don't really follow any sort of structure. There is no direction to this narrative. It's just a bunch of shit that happened for no reason. No conflict or resolution...

Also, I feel like I need to use more adjectives.

-----------------------------------------
he propped out the sarcophagus,
coughin' up the coffin' dust


da blood clottin' esophagus
couldn't stop the wanderlust


-
left backward footprints in the sands of time
so rappers couldn't jux the books filled up wit da stanza'd lines


-


carbon dated parceled papers
from the long gone novelist


-
shot off like a arrow
from the artimus.
oughtta oughta miss


translation lost in andromedus
transferred, saved on floppy disks


and studied by the scholars
like they mastadons at colleges


dapper don thesauruses
for rappers to copy


-
it's


da prolific hyroglyphic
etcher sketcherer


investitured,
registered


apex predator


exterminatin'
competitors


n feastin' on da westerners
enbreaded debt winners.


idealistic
prize greedy idiots


effected wit dyslexia
perplexed by pro-sequiturs


the prose editor, letterer,
da messenger, et cetera.


-


puttin' to much effort into
coalescin' words


perfectin' up his mess of verbs
tryna ressurect a verse


-


what he writes just a skeleton
spliced up wit some gelatin'


pumped wit a pint of adrenaline
beat bringin' to life a new specimen
----------------------------------------

Yeah... I write in a weird format, and always have... because this is the easiest way for me to read shit off the screen when I'm rehearsing to memorize lyrics...

 

[jbaptist]

Seems pretty good man, do you have the means to record? Would be interesting to hear it over something. Preferably something brooding and eastern sounding....just from the word sarcophagus I imagined it being reminiscent of Angels With Dirty Faces kind of stuff by Tricky

 

[wazeer23]

wow

 

[Pherm B Leeva]

I'm not sure if my style is conventional... or whether it sucks or not. This is just some shit I'm writing out for the **** of it. It's on beat, the way I spit it. I think it may seem like I'm putting too much focus on rhyming words together but this is supposed to be allegorical. Kind of metaphorical. I just feel as if I may be off base. There is sort of supposed to be a sense of mystery as to what I'm talking about I guess... but at the same time I don't really follow any sort of structure. There is no direction to this narrative. It's just a bunch of shit that happened for no reason. No conflict or resolution...

Also, I feel like I need to use more adjectives.

-----------------------------------------
he propped out the sarcophagus,
coughin' up the coffin' dust


da blood clottin' esophagus
couldn't stop the wanderlust


-
left backward footprints in the sands of time
so rappers couldn't jux the books filled up wit da stanza'd lines


-


carbon dated parceled papers
from the long gone novelist


-
shot off like a arrow
from the artimus.
oughtta oughta miss


translation lost in andromedus
transferred, saved on floppy disks


and studied by the scholars
like they mastadons at colleges


dapper don thesauruses
for rappers to copy


-
it's


da prolific hyroglyphic
etcher sketcherer


investitured,
registered


apex predator


exterminatin'
competitors


n feastin' on da westerners
enbreaded debt winners.


idealistic
prize greedy idiots


effected wit dyslexia
perplexed by pro-sequiturs


the prose editor, letterer,
da messenger, et cetera.


-


puttin' to much effort into
coalescin' words


perfectin' up his mess of verbs
tryna ressurect a verse


-


what he writes just a skeleton
spliced up wit some gelatin'


pumped wit a pint of adrenaline
beat bringin' to life a new specimen
----------------------------------------

Yeah... I write in a weird format, and always have... because this is the easiest way for me to read shit off the screen when I'm rehearsing to memorize lyrics...

Very commendable to exhibit your style and creativity on what can be a slippery, and sometimes, unforgiving platform, but that's often the nature of the game, it would be nice to see other members show that same courage and conviction and write their lyrical content on this forum, perhaps alongside a vocal performance or inside a track, a round of applause Jeru and keep on pushing. From the early days of vinyl, listeners have appreciated song lyrics on the record sleeve...

 

[BeatSplash.com]

Good Work

I thought it was super creative, I like the dark, mystical tone it has. I agree with the other person above, it would be interesting to hear it recorded. Either way, good work and two thumbs up!