Feedback Wanted on Track : Snakes

Delivery is incongruent. Coming off try hard instead of genuine.
Get a new mic and add some compression to your vocals. You need fill in the gaps with some lyrics. The song needs a flow.
 
Need some recovery, as previous two friends said, work more for great vocal, mic is not good but absolutely great try. Have some inconsistency of lyrics, work more with it. Success is after hard work buddy. Best of luck!
 
Negative:
No punchlines or clever wordplay
rhyme scheme is too simple
your voice sounds a little muffled and hard to understand
void of lyrical content
your vocal tone isn't for me

Positive:
you have a lot of energy behind your voice
i can see you trying to put together flows but they feel off to me
 
Negative:
No punchlines or clever wordplay
rhyme scheme is too simple
your voice sounds a little muffled and hard to understand
void of lyrical content
your vocal tone isn't for me

Positive:
you have a lot of energy behind your voice
i can see you trying to put together flows but they feel off to me

This is pretty much all I would have said.
There is potential there.
 
look up these English terms and use them to your advantage:
puns
metaphors
onomatopoeia
alliteration
hyperbole
your lyrics will have much more of an impact if you use these. Also being able to rhyme doesn't make you a rapper.
 
Also being able to rhyme doesn't make you a rapper.

It doesn't make you a rapper but it's just as important as any one of the things you just mentioned. Makes as much sense as saying you don't have to play chords to be a piano player, yeah that's true but wouldn't your music sound much better with them?

Edit: and isn't alliteration in some sense a type of rhyme?
 
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