The good: you kept the same general topic throughout the verse, didn't except it.
The bad: Your rap was too simple. I've seen/heard rappers have this same topic a million times...you didn't really innovate or put a creative spin on it at all and thus it's not so entertaining.
Flow was slightly off at some points,you should tighten that up. And make your rhyme schemes more complex than always 1 or 2 syllables. Step it up and use 3 or 4 syllables, internal rhyming, variation, etc. Also use metaphor, simile, or other literary devices to get your point across.