I would say too distorted, too heavy, too artificial and too compressed. I would say maybe don't bang your head against the wall with this one, but that's just my opinion, could be that I would perceive it differently with some rapping on top.
Many times when I hear the result of beat making I'm thinking for myself, yeah it's cool but why limit yourself like this when music can be so full and rich.
Overall I think beat makers should expand their influences and also go beyond the actual beat making process and use a lot more hardware...
If you decide that this is right for you, that is a creative artistic decision that is not mine to take, then I would try to bring some more excitement to the drums, add some fills, offsets etc. to make it move.
